


a hump in the night

by LegitimatelyLiteral



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Canon Compliant, M/M, Mutual Pining, jaebum is possessive, they're both oblivious idiots, this smut turned into a lot more plot than intended, youngjae is a total bottom boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-27 20:52:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8416351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegitimatelyLiteral/pseuds/LegitimatelyLiteral
Summary: jaebum and youngjae share a room. things happen, feelings get involved, and it all started with youngjae humping jaebum's leg in the middle of the night.





	1. a hump in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're both aroused and decide to help each other out (they share a room and a mattress, why not share this too)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my crowning achievement is that title

It’s some ungodly hour when Jaebum is woken up to quiet whimpering and something steadily rocking against his body, moving him back and forth atop the mattress. He squints his eyes open, noting the moonlit darkness filtering through the sole window, and tries not to be irritated at his roommate for waking him up because he’s _exhausted._ The sounds continue, softly puffing against Jaebum’s side, where Youngjae has pillowed his head on Jaebum’s arm and pressed his nose into Jaebum’s ribs.

It’s cute and oddly comfortable, and Jaebum wonders if he should wake Youngjae from his nightmare. The whimpers are adorable and breathy and muted, and Jaebum feels bad for enjoying them (he has been pining after Youngjae for what feels like _years_ now but he has great self-control, thank you very much). He wonders if Youngjae feels safer when Jaebum holds him like he’s his personal teddy bear, because no matter how much Youngjae complains, he has never had a nightmare in that position. Today, they fell asleep separately, yet Jaebum is currently on his back with Youngjae curled into his side, one leg thrown over Jaebum’s legs, rocking gently with the nightmare – and that’s when Jaebum feels it.

Something hard and long and familiar yet unfamiliar pressing against the side of his leg, and Jaebum is suddenly very much awake. His mind reels as his body stiffens, ears now hyper focused on the sounds of Youngjae’s hitched, desperate _moans_ . He’s _moaning._ Jaebum curses under his breath, normally his morning wood isn’t a problem, but this is a situation he’s _definitely interested in_ , so it’s not going down anytime soon _._

Youngjae continues to hump his leg and Jaebum is having an existential crisis staring at the ceiling, listening to Youngjae’s sexy yet cute (how does he manage that?) huffs, and getting increasingly aroused. Does he wake Youngjae up and pretend this never happened? Does he extract himself from Youngjae as gently as possible and go deal with himself in the bathroom and _hope to God_ Youngjae wakes up to calm himself down? Does he wait it out and feign sleep if Youngjae wakes up?

Whatever, Jaebum has always been a do first, ask questions later kind of guy, so he shakes Youngjae’s shoulder and calls his name softly. For being such a heavy sleeper, Youngjae is super easy to wake up when aroused, because his eyes are cracking open within a torturous minute and he’s blinking blearily up at Jaebum through the darkness.

“Hyung?” he croaks, confused, and Jaebum purses his lips because Youngjae’s voice is cracked with _use_ and Youngjae seems to realize this as well, looking from Jaebum’s expression to where his erection is firmly pressed between their bodies. His eyes widen, and it’s the fastest Jaebum has seen him completely wake up. Jaebum can relate. “Oh my God,” he gasps out loudly, and Jaebum shushes him, grabbing him by the arm when he attempts to scoot back. Youngjae looks up at Jaebum fearfully, like he thinks he’s mad. “I’m so sorry, hyung, I didn’t mean to. It won’t happen again.”

“Hey,” Jaebum shushes softly, rolling onto his side so they're face to face. Youngjae visibly swallows and Jaebum gives him a soft, fond smile that he’s glad the other members can’t see. “It’s okay, look, I have one, too. Those dreams are completely natural, Youngjae. We have them all the time.”

Youngjae’s eyes dart down to the very obvious tent in Jaebum’s gym shorts and he quite obviously licks his lips. Jaebum’s heart jumps and even more blood rushes south, and he’s almost positive this is a bad idea forming in his sleep-addled, aroused brain, but, Jaebum never was good at thinking with the head on his shoulders when the one between his legs was being demanding.

“Oh,” Youngjae laughs awkwardly, looking anywhere but at Jaebum and trying to subtly inch away from him as he says, “should I go to the bathroom, then? Or you go and then I go? I can wait-“

“Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum croons softly, and his tone makes Youngjae’s wide eyes dart back to his. He licks his lips again, and Jaebum tracks the movement before meeting his eyes once more. Youngjae still looks scared and guilty, but his eyes keep darting down to Jaebum’s crotch unconsciously, and that’s what gives Jaebum courage to make the leap. “Since we’re both like this, why don’t we take care of each other?”

Youngjae’s eyes go impossibly wider. “What?” his voice breaks on the whispered word and Jaebum resists a smirk. Youngjae is _adorable_. Jaebum has always thought so, but he has been even more handsome recently and Jaebum has always been good at holding himself back for the sake of the group, but waking up to Youngjae humping his leg kind of broke his resolve. Youngjae continuously licking his lips and squirming where he’s laying is giving Jaebum more confidence, making him feel less terrified that he might be about to change everything and ruin their group dynamic and his relationship with Youngjae.

“We’re helping each other,” Jaebum continues to speak quietly, so as to not scare him away or alert other members that they’re awake (and subsequently ruin any chances of what Jaebum hopes is about to happen). “We have time before we have to be awake.”

He scoots a little closer to Youngjae and Youngjae’s eyes dart back down again, to Jaebum’s lips, before he squeezes his eyes shut. “Hyung,” he breathes, and Jaebum can see him squirming still, but a quick look tells him the erection hasn’t flagged in the slightest. Now it’s Jaebum’s turn to lick his lips. “Is it really… okay?”

Youngjae opens his eyes, looking at Jaebum through his lashes and Jaebum nods a bit too enthusiastically. “It’s natural,” he repeats, then reaches out a tentative hand, tracing it down Youngjae’s shirt like a silent question. Youngjae is shuddering under his light touch already, and Jaebum _aches_ with want.

When he stops at the waistband of Youngjae’s sweatpants, Youngjae hesitates for a few agonizing seconds before squeezing his eyes shut again and giving a quick nod. Jaebum slips his hand inside.

It’s an awkward angle, but as soon as Jaebum wraps his hand around Youngjae’s cock, Youngjae lets out a low moan and thrusts haltingly forward into it like he can’t help himself. Jaebum swallows thickly.

Jaebum works him slowly, though he knows he shouldn’t drag it out too much because he promised quick and dirty, not slow and sensual like what he’s doing now. He just can’t help it when a thumb across the slick slit earns him a hitched breath or a flick of his wrist earns him a soft whimper. If Jaebum thought Youngjae’s voice was beautiful and irresistible before, he’s definitely even more addicted now.

The downside is that Youngjae is loud, and that wouldn’t be a downside if it weren’t for the fact they were trying not to wake anyone up. So, Jaebum leans forward to shut him up, aiming for his lips (despite the morning breath, despite the alarm bells going off in his head saying that is a _bad idea_ ) then in a split-second decision, decides to listen to his brain for once and dart to the side instead, placing his lips right to Youngjae’s ear and whispering, “try to keep it down, we don’t want the others to hear.”

Youngjae’s response is a full-body shudder, hips stuttering and voice hiccuping on a moan and Jaebum buries his head in Youngjae’s neck and inhales deeply, trying to ground himself from doing something stupid like kissing him or marking him or any number of the other things he wants to do to Youngjae right now.

“H-hyung,” Youngjae gasps out, just as Jaebums runs a thumb across the slit again to gather more of the pre-cum there and use it for slickness.

Jaebum hums questioningly into Youngjae’s neck, not stalling his movements in the least. The pants and whimpers he's rewarded with are worth it, though Youngjae hasn’t stopped making noise since he started, and Jaebum is pretty sure this is going to be worse than any drug he has ever been warned away from for being too addictive. The scent of Youngjae’s shampoo mixed with his sweat fills Jaebum’s nostrils where he’s connected to his neck, and it makes him groan again in appreciation, hips thrusting forward instinctively when Youngjae moans with it.

“Hyung too,” Youngjae says, voice breathy and scratchy and everything Jaebum hoped and dreamed it would be (not that he ever thought of his precious dongsaeng that way until – okay maybe once or twice before tonight, but he never expected _this_ ). Then one of Youngjae’s sweaty, shaky hands is finding its way under his gym shorts and he’s shuddering with his own low groan as Youngjae grabs him with no preamble.

The position is awkward, has been since the start and Jaebum’s wrist is aching and that’s what he blames for the way he rolls on top of Youngjae, face not leaving Youngjae’s sweaty neck, but other arm and knees being used as leverage so he’s not lying heavily on top of him. Youngjae gasps at the change, but says nothing, hand pumping Jaebum, inexperienced but steady and experimentally trying things he has no doubt done to himself. The thought makes Jaebum tingle down to his toes, and he vaguely realizes how embarrassingly close he is already.

They thrust into each other’s hands with abandon, both nearing their end, Youngjae’s voice a steady chorus of moans and gasps that Youngjae brings up his other hand to muffle and Jaebum cursing softly into Youngjae’s skin. What Jaebum really wants to do is strip them bare, the material of Youngjae’s sweatpants is chafing his hand anyway. He wants to slot their cocks together and rut until Youngjae is a whimpering mess. He wants to lick into his mouth and taste those whimpers on his tongue, see if he tastes as sweet as his moans. He wants to suck and lick and bite marks all over his body, claiming him for the world to see. He wants to bite his thighs, get between them and swallow him down like he’s the sweetest candy, wants to make him beg for his mouth. He wants to have his fingers in him, his tongue, open him up until he’s writhing and sobbing and begging to cum. Most of all, though, Jaebum wants to be in him – wants to claim him and hear him scream his name when he cums, see what he looks like when he orgasms.

Jaebum wants everything.

“Hy-hyung-“ Youngjae’s voice is muffled by his hand, but Jaebum makes it out loud and clear with how close he is to the end, thinking of all these things and listening to Youngjae muffle his own pleasure. “I’m so close, _please._ ”

Jaebum lifts his head slightly, brushes his lips over Youngjae’s flushed ear and whispers, “then cum.”

Jaebum punctuates his words with a skillful stroke up to the head and Youngjae is _vibrating_ in his arms as he releases with a silent scream. His sudden silence only lasts until the aftershocks, when Jaebum is still milking him and Youngjae’s thighs are jerking and he lets out a long, drawn-out, low groan that has Jaebum’s balls clenching. Jaebum has to bite down on Youngjae’s neck to keep from crying out Youngjae’s name with his own release.

Youngjae had barely been working him, but Jaebum had been thrusting his hips and Youngjae’s noises and the light pressure of his hand were enough to send him over the edge. When he bites down, Youngjae’s reaction is immediate – a yelp and another full-body shiver, and Jaebum can swear he feels another spurt of cum before he’s lost in his own orgasm.

Jaebum flops down to the side after a few moments of the two of them panting and catching their breath. He pulls his hand from Youngjae’s sweatpants as Youngjae awkwardly does the same, then grabs two tissues from the box they keep near the head of the bed (mostly for Youngjae’s runny noses), handing one to Youngjae to clean himself off.

The silence stretches uncomfortably, with the two tissues tossed to the side and Youngjae adjusting himself in his pants and avoiding Jaebum’s eyes. It’s kind of worrying Jaebum, because he wouldn’t mind cuddling in the afterglow, despite the heavy stench of sex and sweat they should probably air out and the fact they’re both sticky and gross. He frowns at Youngjae, even though he's feeling light and airy with his release. Jaebum falls back onto the mattress with his arms behind his head, momentarily sated even though his wrist is sore and Youngjae’s silence is discomfiting.

“Was it not good for you?” Jaebum asks, and Youngjae jumps a little where he has been sitting up and wiping down his legs with another tissue meticulously.

Jaebum watches as Youngjae’s lips purse, and even in the relative darkness Jaebum can see a flush rising high in Youngjae’s cheeks. “It was good,” Youngjae mumbles, shy, eyes still avoiding Jaebum. Jaebum feels relief wash over him, despite Youngjae still looking tense. He’s probably just embarrassed about it, Jaebum thinks. Then Youngjae is scrambling upright and Jaebum startles. “I think I’m gonna go wash up, hyung, don’t wait up,” he blurts, louder than he should, but Jaebum is too surprised to shush him.

Youngjae waits for a response, but when he doesn’t get one he rushes to the door, and Jaebum finds himself boldly saying, “if you ever have this problem again,” he’s pleased when Youngjae stops short, hand hovering shakily over the doorknob. “I’m always willing to help.”

He wonders if Youngjae can hear the smirk in his voice, because he certainly doesn’t turn around to see it. Jaebum is warm and relaxed and giddy after that intense orgasm. Youngjae’s fingers flex over the knob for a few moments, and Jaebum watches them as if in a trance, before he notes the subtle wobble in Youngjae’s thighs and legs like he was still experiencing aftershocks. It makes Jaebum’s gaze go hungry and dark, and suddenly he’s glad Youngjae isn’t looking at him.

“Okay, hyung,” the words are rushed, quiet, and Youngjae is out the door the next second. Jaebum looks at the doorknob of the shut door with a hard stare and a gnawing hunger in his belly, an aching desire he’s not sure he can ever sate. He vaguely wonders if Youngjae knows what he just signed up for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first published smut and i want to throw myself off a bRIDGE WHY DID THIS HAPPEN


	2. in a rut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> youngjae is avoiding jaebum, jaebum is frustrated in more ways than one, and the members are fed up with both of them. (fluffy smut NOW WITH PLOT)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'm going to finish ice skating au  
> also me: *writes 4.4k continuation of 2jae smut fic at 6 in the morning*

It’s tense, afterwards, to say the least. _Everyone_ senses it, and (rightfully) blames Jaebum for it. Luckily they don’t know _why_ because Jaebum didn’t bite hard enough to leave a long-term mark, but they don’t need to know to be pissed at him, apparently. They all keep sending him dirty looks every time Youngjae makes a feeble excuse to be anywhere else whenever Jaebum enters a room. It’s not just that, though, Youngjae actively avoids looking at Jaebum, gives Jaebum clipped answers if he’s asked a question then flees right after, and just dodges conversation with Jaebum altogether by pretending not to hear him. It shows in interviews and videos they shoot, too – in the way Youngjae no longer sits next to Jaebum and smiles tensely when he _does_ have to stand or sit next to him.

This is all pretty horrible for Jaebum, and he has been a brooding, short-tempered mess for the duration of this avoidance. The worst part is that Youngjae won’t even sleep in the same room anymore. He chooses instead to crash in the maknae’s room, Mark and Jackson’s room, or cuddle on Jinyoung’s single and it makes Jaebum’s blood boil with a possessiveness and jealousy that he hadn’t known existed for Youngjae until now.

The members are getting irritated by the second week. Jinyoung snaps when, during a dance practice, Jaebum yells at Bambam harshly for making a small mistake and nearly makes him cry. It ends with Bambam running out, Yugyeom following after and giving Jaebum a disrespectful glare that has Jaebum’s jaw clenching. Youngjae stands tensely to one side, hands twisting in his hoodie, with Jackson and Mark next to him, almost shielding him from Jaebum. Jackson is looking at Jaebum with an anger in his eyes that is rarely seen and Mark’s glare is more intense, like he’s ready to fight should Jaebum so much as step in their direction. Jaebum wants to fight him, wants to get the aggression simmering in his veins out of his system because he’s so _angry_ at everything and nothing.

“Let’s go,” Jinyoung says shortly, grabbing Jaebum’s arm to drag him out of the room only to be immediately thrown off with a huff. They turn to each other, engaging in a glaring match that neither look close to backing down from. Then Jinyoung narrows his eyes, steps forward and grabs Jaebum’s forearm again. “You need to cool off. Let’s _go._ ”

Jaebum pulls his arm free again like a child throwing a tantrum. He’ll follow, only because Jinyoung is right and he doesn’t want to lose his temper in front of Youngjae again.

Jaebum says nothing, and Jinyoung gives him a thoughtful once-over before turning and marching out of the room. Jaebum trails behind him, shoving his hands into the pouch of his hoodie.

Jinyoung leads him into another practice room, close by and empty and the first thing Jaebum does is let out a frustrated yell and move to punch the wall. Anticipating this, Jinyoung grabs him in a bear hug to keep him still. Jaebum struggles, because he _needs_ to hit something before he explodes, but Jinyoung’s hold is firm.

“You need to talk to him,” Jinyoung bites out, right next to Jaebum’s ear, and Jaebum stills, jaw tensing. “I don’t know what happened, I don’t care what happened. You’re both miserable and it’s affecting the whole group. You’re the leader and it’s your problem anyway, so fix it.”

They stay like that awhile, in a silence not uncomfortable, but tense as Jinyoung waits for his response. Eventually, Jinyoung releases him and moves to stand in front of Jaebum with crossed arms and a stern look on his face. Jaebum’s mind is reeling as he goes over what Jinyoung said again and again, because Youngjae isn’t miserable, he’s just scared of Jaebum, right?

“Well?” Jinyoung asks, voice impatient and a touch annoyed. Jaebum blinks at him, slowly lifting his head. He feels tired, worn down and more fatigued than he ever felt after extensive dance practices. It must show, because the look on Jinyoung’s face softens.

“Youngjae is miserable?” Jaebum’s voice comes out small, vulnerable, but Jinyoung doesn’t pull his punches and nods matter-of-factly.

“He cries sometimes, when he thinks I’m already asleep,” Jaebum’s heart breaks a little with that information, and Jinyoung sighs. “He misses you, he’s just scared. He wouldn’t tell me why, though.”

Jaebum bows his head again, gnawing at his bottom lip until it hurts. He really messed up, he has to shelve his carnal desire for Youngjae for the good of the group. As painful as it is for him, considering all the wet dreams he has been having lately with Youngjae as the star and waking up more often than not with morning wood. He scared Youngjae off, took advantage of his arousal despite getting his consent, and now Youngjae regrets it and doesn’t know how to tell him.

“I’ll talk to him,” Jaebum says. Jinyoung nods primly.

“Damn right you will.”

-

It’s a late night returning from schedules, and they’re all exhausted and immediately going to their respective rooms. Youngjae is trailing after Jinyoung, looking dead on his feet, when Jaebum gently takes his hand and leads him to the side. Youngjae jumps and tenses immediately, and Jinyoung sees but says nothing, only narrows his eyes at Jaebum like a warning.

Jaebum brings Youngjae to their shared room and Youngjae follows, obedient and quiet with his head bowed. Jaebum lets him go and sits down cross-legged on the mattress, looking up expectantly and patting the space in front of him. Youngjae’s eyes are cast to the side, and it takes him a few moments, but eventually he sits in front of Jaebum cross-legged as well.

“Right, so,” Jaebum’s speech that he’s been repeating over and over again in his head since agreeing to talk to Youngjae plays on his lips. It’s comforting, because nerves constrict his stomach like he might fuck this up again if he says one thing wrong. “First of all, I’m sorry for taking advantage of you,” Youngjae’s jaw goes slack and his eyes widen and snap to Jaebum’s for what feels like the first time in weeks. It fazes Jaebum more than it should, but he soldiers on in his practiced speech. Youngjae probably hadn’t expected him to apologize. “It was wrong of me and you don’t have to worry about it happening again-“

“Hyung!” Youngjae cuts off, eyes a bit frantic and Jaebum is confused. Youngjae’s hands have a white-knuckled grip on his knees and Jaebum wants to reach forward and get them to relax, but doesn’t. “You didn’t take advantage of me! I agreed, and I… I l-liked it a lot… so don’t apologize…” his voice trails off quietly. He’s avoiding Jaebum’s gaze again and worrying his bottom lip. Jaebum is frozen in shock at his words because _what._

Jaebum’s speech flies out of his head and he has no idea what to say except, “what? Why… why have you been avoiding me then? Why haven’t you been sleeping in here?”

Youngjae shuts his eyes and blurts, “because I was embarrassed! I woke you up by… by _humping_ your leg and then you… well… and _then_ you offered to help if it happened again and – and it happens a _lot_ , hyung, especially now when I’m around – um… and anyway I didn’t want to burden you!”

Jaebum sits there in stunned silence, wondering how Youngjae is the cutest human being in all of existence, and also simultaneously feeling healed from the pain of the past two weeks. It feels like a weight has been lifted, and he feels himself relax like he’s slipped into a warm bath after a rough day.

“Youngjae-yah, it’s not a burden. I wanted to do it. I _want_ to do it. I have needs, too,” Youngjae smiles weakly at that, looking up at Jaebum through his bangs and Jaebum feels a warm smile spreading before he can stop it. “The only burden I felt was when you acted like you didn’t want me in your life anymore after it happened.”

Youngjae’s gaze turns guilty and drops back down to the hands now folded in his lap. “I’m sorry, hyung. I just…” his face screws up like he’s about to cry and Jaebum panics, scooting forward a little.

“No, it’s okay! You needed some space, that’s fine! I understand!” Jaebum’s hands are hovering awkwardly over Youngjae’s arms, like he wants to hug him, but he holds back just in case Youngjae doesn’t want that. Youngjae is biting down on his lip again and lowers his head even more so Jaebum can’t see his expression.

“It’s just… I’m just… I’m worried that… we’ll develop _feelings_ ,” he says, voice wobbly and Jaebum’s jaw drops. “Then we’ll ruin the group dynamic and what if people find out-“

“It’s fine, Youngjae-yah, we won’t develop feelings,” Jaebum lies. He developed feelings two years ago, but like Hell will he let that stop him from this. (He’s good at hiding them, anyway. Okay, maybe not, but Youngjae is oblivious so Jaebum is safe.) Youngjae stiffens at his words and Jaebum caves and leans forward to embrace him. The position is awkward, but it feels so nice having Youngjae in his arms again that he nearly sighs in relief. “It’s just two bandmates, helping each other out. It’s destressing and convenient, okay? Don’t worry about me developing feelings.”

It’s a solid thirty seconds of Jaebum holding onto Youngjae like his life depends on it and Youngjae sitting as still as a statue with his head resting on Jaebum’s clavicle. Then he lifts it to rest his forehead on Jaebum’s shoulder, and brings his hands up to cling at the material of Jaebum’s hoodie with a loud exhale. “Okay, hyung,” Youngjae breathes, an echo of his last words that morning. His breath is hot on Jaebum’s collarbones and Jaebum resists a shiver. “No feelings.”

“None,” Jaebum agrees, and he can feel the guilt of the lie choking him. The air is still tense, and he seeks to alleviate it. A thought pops into his head and a mischievous grin spreads across his lips. “Does that mean I can wake you up with a blowjob?”

Youngjae tenses, then leans back and smacks him in the chest with a flush on his cheeks, but he’s smiling and laughing and Jaebum feels like all is right with the world again as he grins cheekily back.

“Not when I’m this exhausted,” Youngjae says, smile wide and happy as he gets up to grab his change of clothes for the night.

Jaebum hums, then leans back on his arms to watch Youngjae’s butt appreciatively as he roots around for his clothes.

“Is that a yes?” Jaebum asks, feigning innocence when Youngjae whips his head around to look at him, tight-lipped and flushed and _utterly adorable._ Jaebum can’t help it and breaks into a dorky grin and Youngjae goes back to his clothes.

“Not tonight,” is all Youngjae says, and his ears are flaming red as he runs out of the room to wash up and change. Jaebum grins after him like a lovesick idiot and hopes Youngjae feels as light and happy as he does.

-

It’s five days before they get to do anything again. They’re being run ragged by their strict schedule, falling asleep near-instantly when they finally settle down for the night. Jaebum assuages his frustration by cuddling with Youngjae nearly every night, and Youngjae doesn’t complain. Luckily he doesn’t even wake up to find Jaebum’s morning wood poking against his ass, the only time Youngjae sleeping like the dead has ever been useful.

One night, though, Jaebum wakes up to Youngjae tossing and turning, a foot away from where they’d fallen asleep in their usual spooning position. Jaebum feels cold and irritated, it had been a long day and they needed _sleep_ and, he quickly checks his phone for the time, had only been sleeping for an hour.

“Why are you awake?” Jaebum demands, voice scratchy and slurred with sleep, and Youngjae immediately stops moving from where he’d been rolling around trying to find a comfortable position. His back is to Jaebum so Jaebum can’t gauge his expression, but his shoulders are tense.

“Can’t sleep,” Youngjae mumbles, voice barely loud enough to carry, and there’s a slight tremble in it that has Jaebum waking up a little faster and clearing his irritation.

“What’s wrong?” he fusses, scooting closer to put a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, then he pulls away when Youngjae tenses. “Are you hurt? Have you not slept?”

Youngjae is quiet for a long time, and Jaebum is now sitting up behind him, tense and looking over him for any sign of injury (which is hard when he can’t actually _touch_ him). Jaebum is dying to know what’s wrong and how he can help, but Youngjae remains still and quiet.

Jaebum begins wondering whether he fell asleep when Youngjae finally speaks up.

“ _Hyung,_ ” it comes out as a whine, soft and breathy, and Jaebum’s head spins as blood rushes south at record speed.

“Is it,” Jaebum licks his lips, clears his throat, and wonders dumbly if he’s coming to the wrong conclusion here, but he recognizes that voice only from one other time like it’s engraved into his eardrums (it is). “Are you hard, Youngjae-yah?”

He gets a whimper in response, and Jaebum resists the urge to groan and flip him over and ravage him right there and then.

“I’m sorry hyung, I know you’re tired. It won’t go _down,_ but I can – I can go to the bathroom or something-“

That’s when Jaebum gives up, grabbing Youngjae’s shoulder and flipping him gently onto his back. He looks up at Jaebum with a guilty, desperate expression only accentuated by the flush of his cheeks, and Jaebum’s eyes trail down to the tent in his loose sleeping pants. Jaebum licks his lips again, eyes darkening, and Youngjae swallows audibly.

“Are you mad, hyung?” Youngjae whispers, one hand moving to grip at the wrist Jaebum still has atop Youngjae’s shoulder.

“Wake me up if this happens again,” Jaebum responds, voice husky and deep already and Youngjae’s eyes go hooded. “I told you, I’m always willing to help.”

He puts his hand flat on Youngjae’s navel, then looks down at Youngjae in the same way he asked for permission last time. Youngjae nods a lot faster this time, grip tightening on Jaebum’s wrist, and Jaebum chuckles.

“Eager, are we?” Jaebum says, then pauses when his hand has only slipped slightly inside. He gives Youngjae a considering look and Youngjae looks up at him pleadingly. The thought strikes Jaebum hard to make him beg for it, but he tamps down on it and says, “can I take your pants off? It’s easier and less messy.”

Youngjae takes a deep, shuddering breath, then releases it with a nod. Jaebum wastes no time in hooking his hands in the elastic and pulling it down after Youngjae raises his butt to help. Jaebum takes a moment to soak the image in, because they rarely see each other naked and never in this context. Youngjae’s thighs are thick and beautiful and Jaebum wants nothing but to bite and lick and tease them until Youngjae is a mess. His dick is curved and thick, and Jaebum wants to worship that as much as he wants to worship every other part of Youngjae’s beautiful body.

Jaebum also takes a deep breath, then lunges across the room for the lube he secretly bought two days ago while Youngjae squeaks out a, “hyung, where are you going?”

Jaebum rifles through his sock drawer to find it then slides back over with the grace of someone overly-eager to get their hands on someone’s dick and nearly face plants into Youngjae’s stomach. Youngjae blinks at him owlishly, and then Jaebum holds up the bottle of lube victoriously. Youngjae squints at it, then flushes and covers his face with his hands.

“When did you buy that?” he sounds a mix between mortified and turned on, and Jaebum grins down at him.

“Few days ago,” Jaebum says, shifting so he’s next to Youngjae’s upright erection. He stares down at it hungrily as he pops the cap. “Always be prepared,” Jaebum says, and Youngjae groans.

He pours a generous amount on one hand, then works it between his hands to warm it up. Youngjae watches him through his fingers, and Jaebum smirks at him.

“It’ll feel good,” Jaebum tells him. Youngjae hides behind his hands again.

Jaebum lowers one hand to circle the tip, relishing the shuddering sigh he gets in response. He strokes one finger down the length, tracing a vein, and Youngjae’s hips jerk with a low whine. Jaebum chuckles, before quickly gripping the base and stroking upwards. Youngjae stifles a loud moan by biting down on his hand.

“Always so good for me, so loud,” Jaebum breathes out, continuing to work Youngjae, slow and agonizing and wet and Youngjae is a mess of moans and whimpers. “Gonna get you in this dorm alone one night, have you screaming my name when you cum.”

Youngjae’s back arches at that, toes curling as he keens. He falls back with a shudder and Jaebum’s heart is pounding as he plays with the slit and uses his other hand to fondle Youngjae’s balls. He’s staring at Youngjae’s face in utter fascination and adoration, as Youngjae had removed his hands to grip at the sheet of the mattress beneath him. His mouth is open and panting, eyelids low and watching Jaebum’s hand as if in a trance as Jaebum works him. Youngjae is flushed and his bangs are a little sweaty and Jaebum could look at him like this for the rest of his life.

“You like that? You like when I talk dirty to you?” Jaebum punctuates his words with skillful flicks as he continues to play with Youngjae’s balls.

Youngjae bites down on his lip, closes his eyes, and throws his head back, then groans out a, “stop, stop!” and Jaebum’s hands immediately halt and pull away as if burned. His heart plunges as he stares down at Youngjae’s panting form.

“Did I hurt you?” Jaebum says, panicking.

“No,” Youngjae pants out, then opens his eyes to give Jaebum possibly the hottest look he’s ever been on the receiving end of. His lips look plump from where they’ve been bitten and he’s sweaty and flushed and _beautiful._ “Hyung too.”

Jaebum’s mouth goes dry at that, eyes wide because those are becoming his favorite two words. He licks his lips again and asks in a croaking voice, “how do you want to do it?”

Youngjae closes his eyes again briefly, biting down on his bottom lip and brow furrowing like he’s thinking. Jaebum really wants to kiss him. Youngjae opens his eyes again, and that thought only intensifies by the submissive, nervous look Youngjae is giving him.

“Whatever hyung wants,” he says, and Jaebum momentarily freezes as all of his ideas go rushing through his head and right to his groin, getting him even harder (if that was even possible).

Jaebum strips himself of his boxers embarrassingly fast, getting lube all over of them but not giving a single fuck. Youngjae’s weak call of “hurry” urges him faster, and he tosses off his shirt as well. When he looks back down at Youngjae, his eyes are lidded again as they roam over Jaebum’s naked form and he licks his lips conspicuously. It gives Jaebum a surge of pride, and makes him want to go work out more just to impress Youngjae and be given that appraising look again.

Jaebum kneels next to Youngjae, takes about five seconds to contemplate how to do this, then hesitates even more.

“Just tell me if you don’t like it, okay?” Jaebum says, eyes insistent on Youngjae’s. Youngjae nods vigorously. He still looks nervous, worrying his lip again, but he also looks impatient. So Jaebum takes a deep breath and throws one leg over Youngjae’s hips to straddle him. Then Jaebum falls forward and braces himself with his forearms on either side of Youngjae’s head, knees coming to rest on either side of Youngjae’s hips. Youngjae blinks up at him, confused, eyes flicking down to Jaebum’s lips momentarily.

His confusion turns into a breathy moan when Jaebum straightens his legs out and their dicks come into contact. It’s going to take a lot of stamina for Jaebum to stay in this position, but it’s worth it when Jaebum reaches down and wraps a hand around the two of them and pumps once. The feeling of Youngjae’s dick, hard and hot and pulsing against him is enough to have him shuddering. Youngjae’s loud moan also helps, throwing his head back and exposing his neck. It’s hard to resist the unintentional invitation, so instead Jaebum focuses on other things.

Jaebum pumps them a few more times, the lube on Youngjae’s cock easing the slide immensely, before he starts thrusting his hips into it. Youngjae joins in not long after, after a few more huffy moans, and then he’s moving his arms to wrap loosely around Jaebum’s shoulders and closing his eyes. Jaebum’s one arm is shaking from exertion, and that move was cute as hell, so he gives in and lowers himself until he’s resting on Youngjae and burying his head in his neck again. Youngjae groans low, and Jaebum adjusts his legs so that there’s more distance between their hips and he can thrust harder.

“F-feels so good,” Youngjae moans, and Jaebum rewards him with a light nip to the sweaty neck. Youngjae’s breath hitches. “Hyung, I’m so close, _please._ ”

Youngjae’s moaning starts increasing in pitch, a constant litany of “please” and “hyung” leaving his mouth as his thrusting becomes erratic. His blunt nails dig into Jaebum’s shoulders and Jaebum shudders before licking a trail up to Youngjae’s ear.

“Jaebum,” Jaebum pants out, right next to Youngjae’s red ear. Jaebum’s nearing his end as well with the noises Youngjae’s making, Youngjae scratching at his shoulders, and the overwhelming pleasure. “Call me Jaebum in bed.”

There’s minimal hesitation, before, “Jaebum-ah,” Youngjae breathes it out at first, like it’s forbidden (it is, normally, but this is a very special circumstance). “Jaebum-ah, Jaebum-ah, _Jaebum-ah,_ ” Youngjae’s voice gets stronger with each moaned word of his name and Jaebum is losing his mind. He wants to call Youngjae gorgeous, tell him how pretty and perfect and beautiful he is, wants to worship his body like he deserves, but he bites it all back. Youngjae doesn’t want feelings involved, and Jaebum is content with this.

With that thought in mind, Jaebum bites down on Youngjae’s ear lobe and whispers in his ear, “I want you to call my name when you cum.”

Youngjae gasps, and then his back is arching and pressing into the thrusts and pumps of Jaebum’s ever-steady hand as his own hips stutter to a halt and his hold on Jaebum’s shoulders tightens even further. His whole body is convulsing as he rides out the waves and coats his overly-large t-shirt in his own cum. He makes no noise until Jaebum is milking him once more and his oversensitivity makes him whimper a soft, broken, “Jaebum-ah,” directly next to Jaebum’s head and Jaebum loses it.

This orgasm is just as intense as the first one, and Youngjae’s hand darts down to help him through it and it makes Jaebum’s own body shudder in appreciation and let out a long, drawn-out groan. It takes him a bit to come down, body heavy and exhausted atop Youngjae’s.

They lay like that for a few minutes, breathing heavily and coming down from their highs. Then Youngjae smacks him in the shoulder, where his arms are still resting, with a hysterical giggle. “You’re heavy, hyung, and we’re sweaty.”

Jaebum groans, wanting to hold tighter, but rolls off. “Yeah, yeah,” he lazily reaches for the box of tissues and places it between them. Youngjae snorts even as he takes a tissue to clean up the slickness between his legs.

“I think I need more than tissues to clean up today, hyung,” Youngjae says, and Jaebum glances over from cleaning himself up. Youngjae sits up with difficulty and makes a sweeping gesture at his ruined shirt, ruined with both of their cum.

“I say you keep it as a memento,” Jaebum says lazily, body as relaxed and happily exhausted as ever after a really good orgasm. Youngjae just pouts at him, and reaches over to smack him again. “Fine, fine,” Jaebum laughs, swatting his hand away and feeling giddy when Youngjae smiles back. “Just put it in the hamper, I’ll take care of it tomorrow.” Youngjae goes to stand up, when Jaebum says, “wait, are you sure you can stand? Last time your orgasm was so intense your thighs were shaking afterwards.”

Youngjae kicks him in response when he stands up, face on fire, and dumps the shirt into the hamper. Jaebum is taking his time admiring the view of Youngjae’s plump ass and upper body while Youngjae searches for a new shirt to wear, all the while sending flustered looks at Jaebum’s adoring gaze. Predictably, his thighs and legs are wobbly and Jaebum idly wonders what Youngjae’s refractory period is.

“Shouldn’t you be putting clothes on, too?” Youngjae asks, once he’s fully clothed and lying down again. They stripped the sheet off the bed and threw that in the hamper as well, and hope that the members aren’t sharp enough to catch the suspicious act when they just washed their sheets two weeks ago.

Jaebum shrugs, sending Youngjae a lazy smile, “I think I’ll sleep naked today.” Youngjae squeaks as Jaebum rolls over to him, bringing the blanket with him. He pulls Youngjae into the spooning position, wrapping his arms around Youngjae’s waist and burying his head in his neck while Youngjae pulls the blanket around the both of them.

“Don’t,” Youngjae says weakly, “I smell like sweat, hyung.”

“Mm, I like it, reminds me of what just happened,” Jaebum says sleepily. Youngjae’s neck gets significantly warmer. “Besides, I have to make sure you aren’t going to run off again.”

“I won’t,” Youngjae replies quietly, placing his hands over Jaebum’s around his waist. Jaebum tightens his grip slightly. It’s a long silence that follows, and right when Jaebum is on the cusp of sleep, Youngjae says, voice groggy, “Thank you, hyung. Good night.”

Jaebum breathes in deep, the smell of Youngjae he’s growing addicted to just like everything else about him. He’s light and content and sleepy, but there’s a knot in his stomach when he answers, “anytime, Youngjae-yah. Good night.”

_I love you_. He doesn’t say, and the knot tightens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd and idek how this hAPPENED. okay so this will probably be updated sporadically but here is the requested continuation??? sorry that it's more plot than porn!! if you want to ignore this chapter and just treat the first as a one-shot that is also fine
> 
> and as always, my tumblr is @sseugijaebeat if you wanna see like one or two fics that aren't up here yet LOL


	3. come onto me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> youngjae is loud, jaebum has poor self control, everyone but 2jae thinks this combination is a Bad Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back with more hilarious titles NO ONE APPRECIATES MY GENIUS

The next day is weird. Not for Jaebum and Youngjae, if anything they’ve upped the skinship and are closer now than they ever were. The members all seem happy that the two of them made up, all except one.

Jinyoung has been sending Jaebum dirty looks since breakfast, and every time Jaebum catches his gaze Jinyoung narrows his eyes at Jaebum like Jaebum had just eaten the last of his favorite snack or something. It’s unnerving, considering Jaebum had done what Jinyoung wanted – had talked to Youngjae, had even made up with him almost a week ago. So color Jaebum confused as Hell when Jinyoung corners him later that day during a bathroom break at the recording studio.

“You two are dating?” Jinyoung demands with no preamble, poking a finger to Jaebum’s chest. Jaebum’s jaw drops and Jinyoung’s glare gets even icier. “Do you know how dangerous that is? For the both of you, and the group as a whole? Do you understand the risks you’re taking?”

Jaebum can do nothing, but blink at him dumbly, and Jinyoung jabs a finger in his chest again. Jaebum absently grabs the hand and holds it, jaw working to form words because what?

“We’re not- we’re not dating, Jinyoungie. What made you think we’re dating?”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes and yanks his hand away, taking a step back from where he’d gotten all up in Jaebum’s space. He gives Jaebum an unimpressed stare down the tip of his nose, despite them being the same height.

“I heard you last night, when I was going to the kitchen for water. You might want to try and be more subtle, by the way, Youngjae is _loud._ ” Jinyoung says this all matter-of-fact and condescending, and Jaebum chokes on nothing. Then Jinyoung’s eyes are narrowing again as he crosses his arms. “So don’t try to hide this from me _hyung_ I already know.”

Jaebum recovers from his coughing fit just long enough to feebly choke out, “but we’re _not_ dating though! It’s just- we’re just-“ Jaebum struggles to find a gentle way to put this. Meanwhile Jinyoung’s eyes are widening to the size of saucers and his jaw is dropped low.

“ _Fucking?_ You’re just _fucking_?” Jinyoung’s voice is high-pitched and somewhat delirious, and Jaebum shushes him with a guilty look on his face.

“ _No,_ ” Jaebum hisses, with one hand over Jinyoung’s mouth that Jinyoung is struggling mightily to remove. ‘Fucking’ is too harsh a word. “We’re- uh-“

Jinyoung tears Jaebum’s hand off with an indignant glare, “if you say ‘making love’ so help me God I will kick you in the nuts so hard you won’t be _wanting_ to sully Youngjae for at least a week.”

Jaebum swallows, because he most definitely would still want to sully Youngjae no matter what, but doesn’t argue and lets Jinyoung go. Jinyoung dusts himself off dramatically, then he’s right back to glaring.

“It’s casual,” Jaebum says, and it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself more than Jinyoung. He clears his throat and avoids Jinyoung’s knowing gaze. “Convenient stress relief.”

There’s a measured silence, before Jinyoung is heaving a long-suffering sigh. “You’re an idiot. Do you realize how dumb this is?”

Jaebum stuffs his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and bites down on his cheek. Of _course_ he knows, but if this is the only way he can have Youngjae, it’s a risk worth taking. Even if he ends up with a broken heart in the process, right now, it’s worth it.

Jinyoung steps forward, putting a hand on Jaebum’s shoulder and squeezing. Jaebum looks up to find Jinyoung giving him a warm smile.

“If you hurt Youngjae, in any way, I’m going to punch you in the face.” Jaebum blinks at him, but before he can formulate a response Jinyoung is patting his cheek patronizingly and walking out of the bathroom again. “Don’t worry, hyung, take your time,” Jinyoung calls over his shoulder when he opens the door, “I’ll let everyone know you’re constipated!”

Once more, Jaebum is left to stare stupidly after Jinyoung with a slack jaw. He’s kind of insulted, after all, because if anyone is getting hurt in this set-up it’s most definitely Jaebum. And Jaebum would never hurt Youngjae during sex, but it’s not like Jinyoung knows that, Jaebum guesses.

Jaebum sighs and mentally prepares himself for facing Jinyoung the rest of the day, because Jinyoung will probably blackmail him with this information up his sleeve. Jaebum will follow his orders, if only to avoid the mortification of the other members finding out about his and Youngjae’s escapades. Being at Jinyoung’s beck and call is a small price to pay.

-

Jinyoung doesn’t abuse the information. In fact, he starts acting completely normal again and never brings it up even in passing. It’s kind of off-putting, and Jaebum is waiting for it to blow up in his face, but he’ll just count it as a blessing for now.

That is, until he gets into his shared room with Youngjae one night a few days later. Youngjae is sitting cross-legged in their bed with his pajamas already on and his laptop in his lap, probably playing some game. There’s a mug of tea to his right, to ease his probably sore throat from all the singing they did today. Youngjae glances up at him briefly, then shyly looks back down to the screen.

Jaebum tilts his head in confusion, but doesn’t comment, instead opting to strip down to his boxers and hesitating to strip them off as well. He likes sleeping naked, and now that he and Youngjae have crossed that barrier of awkwardness, it’s tempting to do it every night, especially since he spends most nights cuddling Youngjae.

He resists, though, just in case Youngjae doesn’t want that, and goes to turn off the light. “Ready for bed?” Jaebum asks, hand hovering above the switch.

Youngjae gives one sharp nod, without looking up. Jaebum’s eyebrows shoot up, but again he lets it slide and just flips the switch. He’s confident that if there’s something bothering Youngjae, he’ll eventually come clean about it to Jaebum. It’s just a matter of Jaebum being patient.

He goes and lies down on his side of the bed, making sure to move the now-empty mug of tea to the right and off the mattress. Jaebum rolls onto his side and stares up at Youngjae’s face, illuminated by the blue glow of the laptop screen. He’s staring very intently at something, seemingly spaced out, and his eyes don’t move for what Jaebum counts as a full minute. He’s worrying his bottom lip something fierce, and Jaebum anticipates the coordi noonas yelling at him about it tomorrow.

Jaebum has never been very patient.

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum asks, and Youngjae jumps slightly.

He looks down at Jaebum with a worried expression, then looks away just as quick. His fingers rest on the keyboard, unmoving, but Jaebum’s eyes stay on the crease in Youngjae’s brow, wishing he could rub it away.

“Jinyoung-hyung…” Youngjae starts haltingly, and Jaebum freezes because _of course._ Jinyoung is a little _shit._ Youngjae pulls his hands off the keyboard to fiddle with them before he continues. “He said some weird things…”

Jaebum feels his jaw clench, and is somewhat thankful Youngjae refuses to look at him. There’s a flush crawling up Youngjae’s cheeks and he’s back to nervously gnawing on his lip. It’s adorable, so Jaebum drinks in the sight as long as possible before saying, “what kinds of things?”

Youngjae purses his lips and looks down at him again, eyes wide and anxious. Jaebum just gives him an encouraging smile and Youngjae’s tense shoulders droop slightly. He looks away again.

“He… he knows about us – or, uh, not us, I mean, what we do… And he thinks it’s a bad idea.” He’s visibly flustered, tapping away mindlessly at the side of the laptop like a nervous tic.

Jaebum narrows his eyes because _fucking Jinyoung_.

“Oh?” Jaebum asks, and Youngjae’s fingers stop tapping. “Why, exactly, does he think it’s a bad idea?”

The flush in Youngjae’s cheeks only seems to intensify, so much so that he turns away to hide it, but his neck and ears are painted red, too, and Jaebum wants to kiss it all away (or make it even redder). Jaebum’s fingers twitch, but he stays where he is, because fuck you Park Jinyoung, Jaebum can handle himself just fine.

“Because – because if we get found out, it’d be bad for the group,” Youngjae lets out a breath then. He glances back at Jaebum and Jaebum wipes his face of any anger directed at Jinyoung.

Jaebum waves his hand carelessly, giving Youngjae a sly smile.

“No one will find out,” he says confidently, and Youngjae, once more, relaxes visibly. Youngjae gives him a small, tentative smile. Then Jaebum smirks and says, “as long as you keep your voice down.”

Youngjae lights up like a Christmas tree and starts slapping Jaebum everywhere and anywhere as Jaebum rolls around, laughing at his expense. Eventually, Jaebum grabs his wrists and looks up at him with a smile too mushy to be considered platonic. Youngjae just pouts at him, and kicks him in the side in retaliation since the laptop had slid off his lap in the struggle.

Jaebum hisses and curls over with it, because Youngjae had kicked _hard_ , but he maintains his hold on Youngjae’s wrists.

“You’re mean, hyung,” Youngjae whines, not even attempting to pull himself free as Jaebum writhes next to him.

“Says the one who just kicked me in the kidneys,” Jaebum huffs. He looks back up at Youngjae’s pouting, blushing face and feels his anger subside. Still, he says, “I’ll get you back for that.”

Youngjae tugs his wrists free hurriedly, giving Jaebum an anxious look. Jaebum just folds his hands under his chin and innocently smiles up at him. Youngjae gulps.

“Just don’t hit me too hard, okay?” Youngjae demands, and Jaebum’s eyebrows shoot up. “I know you like grabbing the neck, hyung, but my neck is _sensitive_ , and – uh – oh _no_ – I mean –“

Jaebum is staring up at Youngjae in unadulterated glee and Youngjae is inching away until his back hits the wall, holding up his hands like that will shield him from whatever it is he thinks Jaebum is about to do.

“Huh,” Jaebum says, and Youngjae’s eyes widen further. “That explains some things.”

Youngjae whimpers with a, “hyung, _please,_ ” and Jaebum’s eyes _instantly_ darken like he’s already conditioned to get hard by Youngjae’s voice alone. Which is both a problem, and not a problem. Youngjae catches the look in his eye and looks away. “Sorry, hyung, it’s just embarrassing. So please… if you’re going to hit me, avoid my neck.”

Jaebum hums thoughtfully in response, and Youngjae conspicuously pulls his legs up to his chest. Jaebum smirks again, and lets the hunger take over, because what’s the harm in it. “Come here.”

“Hyung,” Youngjae says weakly, to which Jaebum just beckons again with a hand. Youngjae bites down on his bottom lip and avoids his eyes as he crawls over to Jaebum on all fours. He kneels in front of Jaebum, squirming and looking off to the side, when Jaebum sits up and moves a hand up, causing Youngjae to flinch. Jaebum simply rests it on the back of Youngjae’s neck, stroking gently with his thumb through the fine hairs at the top of his neck, and Youngjae shudders. Satisfied, Jaebum trails his hand slowly around Youngjae’s neck, lightly touching and squeezing and teasing and Youngjae lets out a shaky breath.

“Hyung,” he repeats softly, eyes wide and face flushed when he turns to meet Jaebum’s teasing gaze, “what are you doing?”

Jaebum drinks in the sight of him, flushed with a plump lower lip and a hooded gaze, and decides he wants more. He always wants more.

He has never had a lot of self-control when it came to Youngjae anyway.

“Punishing you,” Jaebum tells him, then darts in to replace his hands with his mouth. _As long as it’s not the lips,_ Jaebum convinces himself, as he lavishes Youngjae’s neck with attention. Youngjae is shaking underneath him, reaching up to grip Jaebum’s bare shoulders before moving one hand to cover his own mouth when he starts moaning desperately. Jaebum sucks marks into his neck that he almost hopes don’t fade in the morning, but he makes sure not to pay too much attention to one spot. He licks and sucks at the junction just above the collar bones and that’s when Youngjae falls back against the mattress. Jaebum takes the opportunity to straddle him and continue licking and suckling on his sensitive neck, finding all the spots that make Youngjae squirm and moan the most. It’s a venture Jaebum is far too invested in, but he takes it very seriously, especially since he’s been wanting to do it for _so damn long_.

Jaebum moves one of the hands not supporting his weight above Youngjae to the bottom of Youngjae’s sleeping shirt. He puts his hand up it with little teasing, and starts pulling and teasing Youngjae’s nipples alongside the neck kissing, so that Youngjae is an absolute mess within two minutes. His nipples are apparently sensitive, too, as they get hard and Youngjae moans loud when Jaebum pinches or flicks them a certain way.

He’s a trembling mess under Jaebum, and Jaebum considers him well and truly punished, but he’s going to milk this for all that it’s worth.

So he pulls off Youngjae, removing his hands and mouth and sitting up on Youngjae’s stomach to stare down at him hungrily. Youngjae’s eyes crack open the tiniest bit, mouth still biting down on his hand to keep his noises down. He’s flushed, and there are marks all over his neck, and he must have been running his hands through his hair because it’s ruffled and sticking up oddly. He looks thoroughly ravished, and it takes all of Jaebum’s self-control not to dive on him again, but he convinces himself it’ll be worth it.

“I hope you learned your lesson,” Jaebum tells him, voice deep and husky and Youngjae’s eyes go wide and his hand falls from his mouth. “No hitting the leader.”

Jaebum starts moving off of Youngjae, but Youngjae’s hand darts up to grab him by his forearm. Jaebum tries not to smirk when he glances back down at a desperate-looking Youngjae.

“Hyung, please,” Youngjae begs, voice hoarse. Jaebum almost wants to correct the ‘hyung’ to ‘Jaebum’ like they agreed, but holds himself back. “ _Please_ don’t tease me. _Please_ , hyung, I won’t do it again, just-“

“Just what,” Jaebum whispers, falling forward so he’s nose-to nose with Youngjae and can _feel_ the heat radiating off of him. Youngjae’s eyes nearly fall shut again, but he keeps them on Jaebum’s.

“Just touch me,” Youngjae whispers, and Jaebum’s control snaps once more.

He moves down to kiss at Youngjae’s neck again, just so he won’t kiss his lips, then reaches down with a hand to tug at the hem of Youngjae’s shirt.

“Shirt off,” he growls into Youngjae’s skin, and Youngjae shivers and nods sharply. Jaebum only removes himself long enough for Youngjae to get the shirt off and fling it somewhere across the room, then Jaebum is sliding his tongue down his chest and to one of his nipples. He swirls around the hardened nub and Jaebum’s dick twitches at the noises this earns him. He bites down lightly and is rewarded with a light hip twitch and so he moves onto the other nipple to give it the same treatment.

Jaebum nearly melts when he feels Youngjae’s hands come up to cradle his head, almost hugging it to his chest to keep him there.

“Hyung,” Youngjae whines, breathless and needy. “ _Please._ I need t-to cum.”

“I told you to call me Jaebum,” Jaebum reminds, then gives Youngjae’s nipple one last teasing nip before he reaches up to pull Youngjae’s hands away. There’s a brief moment where he tangles the fingers of both their hands together, holding them reverently as he kisses down Youngjae’s stomach. Then he has to let go to pull off Youngjae’s sleep pants. They go easily, especially with Youngjae’s enthusiastic help, and then Jaebum is left staring at Youngjae’s hard dick standing up right in front of him. Jaebum wants nothing more than to have it in his mouth and hear Youngjae scream, but also Youngjae’s thighs are right there, and he wants to taste those, too.

Jaebum leans down and bites and sucks a mark onto Youngjae’s right thigh, high enough that no one will see it but them. Youngjae gasps and writhes, and Jaebum licks at the mark lovingly.

“You have such beautiful thighs, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum says, lips brushing the soft skin of Youngjae’s thighs. Youngjae moans as Jaebum turns to lick along the other thigh, squeeze it with his hand when he places one on either thigh to pry Youngjae’s legs further apart. “All of you is beautiful,” Jaebum breathes, dark eyes on Youngjae’s flushed cock and he can feel Youngjae looking at him.

Instead of wondering whether he went too far with that comment, Jaebum dives down and devours Youngjae’s cock. True to what Jaebum believed, Youngjae screams into his hand and his hips leave the mattress completely. Jaebum uses an arm to keep him down, though he wouldn’t mind Youngjae fucking into his mouth, _he_ wants to be the one in complete control tonight.

The noises Youngjae is making are lewd and the hottest thing Jaebum has ever heard, and Jaebum hasn’t even done that much. He just licks along the shaft and pays special attention to the head until Youngjae’s whimpering reaches a peak then he goes back down to tracing veins and wrapping his tongue around Youngjae’s dick and going up and down with his tongue like a professional. He doesn’t try to deep throat him, just keeps a firm hand wrapped around the bottom of Youngjae’s dick, the parts he can’t reach, and pumps it along with his mouth.

Youngjae’s thighs are vibrating on either side of his head, and Jaebum knows he’s nearing his end when his moans pick up in speed and so does his panting. He was close to begin with, so it doesn’t really surprise Jaebum that Youngjae is ready to spill without Jaebum even starting to have a sore jaw.

He removes the spit-slick hand from the base of Youngjae’s cock so he can plunge it into his own pants and jerk himself off, quick and filthy, to Youngjae’s stuttered moans and aborted thrusts under Jaebum’s strong arm.

“ _Please please please-_ “ Youngjae moans around his hand, and Jaebum slides up the shaft to mouth at the head, licking at the slit and Youngjae is gone with a garbled moan, body shaking as Jaebum swallows down. Jaebum may be biased, but Youngjae tastes like the greatest thing he’s ever had as he swallows and licks his lips to get rid of the excess.

Jaebum’s hips twitch in his own hand when Youngjae lets out a hitched moan of “Jaebum-ah”, unhindered as he had dropped his hands to his sides, when Jaebum licks the head again to make sure it’s clean (and to tease Youngjae). Jaebum pulls the hand from his pants (giving up on getting off for now) so he can crawl across to get to the tissues and clean them both off.

He’s stopped with a hand on his wrist, and Jaebum looks down to find Youngjae sitting up with the support of one elbow, looking shaken and flushed and utterly fuckable, and Jaebum swallows thickly.

“Hyung too,” he says softly, then flops back down like he’s too weak to hold himself up properly and drags Jaebum so he’s hovering over Youngjae again. Once Youngjae has him positioned where he wants, hovering low over Youngjae once more, Jaebum watches as Youngjae eyes the bulge in his pants with unbridled want in his eyes. He licks his lips, and before Jaebum has the chance to say something dirty, Youngjae shoves a hand down his pants and grips him rough. Jaebum’s breath hitches and he shuts his eyes, but Youngjae is off him as quick as he was on him and Jaebum’s eyes fly open again.

“What-“

“Wait,” Youngjae says, and he’s digging underneath his pillow to his left with both hands for something, a look of concentration on his face that shouldn’t be nearly as cute as it is. Jaebum frowns at him until Youngjae says “aha! Here it is!” and pulls out the bottle of lube Jaebum had bought. Jaebum blinks down at Youngjae’s triumphant smile, watching, dumbstruck, as Youngjae spread a generous amount of lube on one hand.

“You put that under your pillow?” Jaebum asks, shocked. Youngjae seems to realize the look he’s being given because he stops what he’s doing to give Jaebum a flustered look.

“Well – I thought – ‘always be prepared,’ right? And like, just in case, you know? I don’t know, I didn’t think-“

“No,” Jaebum cuts off Youngjae’s babbling, looking down at him with fond eyes and a grin as Youngjae bites down on his lip and flushes darkly. “I’m glad you thought ahead.”

Youngjae smacks his arm with his unlubed hand then, as if in revenge, shoves the lubed one down Jaebum’s pants again. Jaebum shivers at the cold of it and reaches down to pull his pants down far enough so that his dick is at least freed. Youngjae stares at it in awe, licking his lips again, and works Jaebum with far more confidence than he had the first time.

“That’s right, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum breathes, falling forward to breathe into Youngjae’s ear again and to make sure when he collapses after his orgasm he doesn’t headbutt Youngjae. “You’re doing so well, always so good for me. Could make me cum just from your voice alone.”

Youngjae lets out a shaky breath, hand moving sure and fast along Jaebum’s length. There’s no hint of teasing, just raw want and need, and Jaebum can feel himself nearing his end.

“I want to see your face, Jaebum-ah,” Youngjae whispers, hand slowing down just enough that Jaebum’s hips stutter trying to catch the rhythm again, chasing an orgasm. Jaebum huffs but doesn’t argue, pulling up just enough that they’re nose-to-nose once more, basically panting into each other’s mouths. Youngjae looks debauched, and takes in Jaebum’s features like it’s his first time seeing them.

“Don’t blame me if I headbutt you,” Jaebum says around a moan, and Youngjae looks fascinated with it, twisting his hand in the same way and drawing another moan out of Jaebum. His hips start working with Youngjae’s hand and Jaebum only realizes their position on the brink of his orgasm.

“Youngjae-yah, I’m gonna cum on your chest if you don’t stop-“ Jaebum gasps out. Youngjae just gives him a defiant look, eyes dark and full of challenge, like he knows exactly what will happen and he _wants it._ “Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum _whines,_ then his jaw is locking and he’s shutting his eyes and shuddering through his orgasm.

When he opens his eyes again, it’s to a sight he never wants to forget. Youngjae is still beneath him, but he’s running one finger through the cum on his chest and pulling it up to suck it into his mouth. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are hooded, and his hair is still a tousled mess, and he looks up at Jaebum while he’s licking the cum off his fingers like it’s the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted, and he wants to taste more.

Jaebum swallows audibly, then groans and rolls off of Youngjae to flop bonelessly down next to him and run his own hands through his hair.

“Now who’s teasing who?” he asks grumpily, and Youngjae laughs, loud and happy, and Jaebum can’t help the smile that stretches his lips.

When they’re cuddled up against each other hours later, cleaned up and content, Jaebum thinks ‘what does Jinyoung know?’ They’re only two guys having fun, it’s stress relief. There are no feelings whatsoever (that Youngjae is aware of, anyway, even if Jaebum is falling harder and harder with every one of these escapades). Jaebum’s feelings are manageable, anyway, and Youngjae seems happy enough with the arrangement. They’re fine. This is fine.

-

“ _This isn’t fine,_ ” Jackson hisses at him the following day, and Jaebum curses because _of course_ Jinyoung would tell Jackson. Youngjae finds Jaebum’s bicep and squeezes, and it reminds Jaebum that at least he’s not alone this time.

Jackson had managed to corner them both that afternoon in a composing room when he asked them both for opinions on vocals for a song. Jaebum should know by now not to trust Jackson when his smile is twitching at the side like it’s struggling to stay there.

Jackson’s eyes are wide and a little bit manic, and he looks like he’s about ready to grab one of them and start shaking, so Jaebum takes control of the situation.

“What isn’t fine, exactly?” Jaebum asks, calmly.

Jackson gives him a flat look, which is kind of ruined by his wide eyes and nervous tic of playing with his hands.

“You two, _you know_ ,” Jackson does a vague lewd gesture with his hands that probably means anal sex, but Jaebum just looks at him unimpressed. Youngjae smacks Jackson in the arm and Jackson glares at him. “I know! I heard you!”

Youngjae makes a strangled noise and Jaebum glances at Youngjae to confirm that he is, in fact, mortified, then looks back at Jackson who looks at least a little guilty.

“I didn’t mean to, I was just going to the bathroom and I heard noises, and well,” he shrugs, then levels them both with stern looks, finger pointing at each of them in turn. “I’m happy for you, really, like good for you for getting your shit together, but at least do it more _subtly_ so the entire city of Seoul doesn’t find out. We’ve had enough scandals, okay? And Korea isn’t the most accepting country for this kind of thing.”

Jaebum just blinks at him, eyes wide, and Jackson starts looking uncertain.

“What?” Jaebum asks faintly, because what the fuck ‘good for you for getting your shit together’? “We’re not… this is just for stress relief, Jackson.” Maybe if he tells other people enough, he can convince himself. “We’ll try to be more careful.”

“Stress relief?!” Jackson squeaks, then looks between the two of them with even wider eyes, which end up landing on Youngjae. “Was this your dumb idea or hyung’s? Probably hyung’s, right?”

Jaebum glances over at Youngjae to find him fooling with his adorably long sleeves and staring down at his feet with a flush.

“It – it was mutual,” Youngjae answers, not looking at either of them.

Jackson scoffs dramatically, throwing his arms up and pushing past them to get to the exit.

“You’re both dumb, and I will not get involved!” Then he pauses, as if considering, and turns back with an eyebrow waggle. “And remember to use protection.”

He runs out cackling when Jaebum picks up the office chair and threatens to throw it at him.

What follows after the shutting of the door is an awkward silence while Jaebum puts the office chair back down and sinks into it. He buries his head in his hands and groans, and opens his eyes to Youngjae eying him cautiously.

“Hyung,” Youngjae starts, fiddling with his hands despite them both being covered by his huge shirt. Jaebum would appreciate the sight more if the air wasn’t so tense between them all of a sudden. “What did he mean by ‘good for you for getting it together’?”

They just stare at each other for a stretch as Jaebum contemplates how to respond, then decides honesty is the best policy.

“I have no idea,” Jaebum responds, sitting up in the chair and stretching a little. “It’s Jackson, it’s probably nothing.”

Youngjae’s eyes are serious as he watches Jaebum, and it gives Jaebum the unnerving feeling that he just failed a test he didn’t even know he was taking.

“Right,” Youngjae says, and Jaebum hates how wiped of emotion it is, when Youngjae is so easy to read every other time. “Probably nothing.”

“And anyway,” Jaebum says loudly, standing up and causing Youngjae to jump a little in surprise. Jaebum is just desperate to alleviate the tension in the room thick enough to suffocate them both. “That’s two members that know now because of you, are you going to do a better job keeping quiet or am I going to have to punish you again?”

Youngjae flushes and looks away, but there’s a smile playing on his lips when he says, “it’s hyung’s fault I’m so loud. Maybe you’re the one that should be punished?”

Youngjae side-eyes him, all wide-eyed innocence, but Jaebum knows better by now. Youngjae’s words sent a tingle down his spine that ended in his groin and Jaebum is sure that he’s doing this on purpose. This is further proven by the tiny smirk Youngjae cracks under Jaebum’s slack-jawed scrutiny, and his knowing look down at Jaebum’s crotch.

“You _tease_ ,” Jaebum growls, though a smile threatens his face when Youngjae bursts out laughing and tries to escape in the small confines of the room. Jaebum corners him easily, grabbing his neck and causing Youngjae’s laughter to hitch into a hiccup. They meet eyes, Youngjae’s dark and teasing and Jaebum’s hungry and wanting. “I’ll get you back for that later,” Jaebum promises in a whisper, and doesn’t realize how close they’ve gotten until he feels Youngjae’s breath on his lips when he opens his mouth to respond.

“Sure, Jaebum-ah,” he breathes, eyes darting down to Jaebum’s lips before licking his own. The simple words send another jolt of desire running down to Jaebum’s groin, and Jaebum is about two seconds away from taking the plunge and kissing him when Youngjae ducks out of his grasp and slips out the door next to them. “See you at home, hyung!” he calls behind him before the door shuts, and Jaebum is thankful for soundproof rooms as he screams his frustration out to the ceiling.

“ _Brat_ ,” Jaebum breathes, but can’t help smiling anyway because _teasing_ Youngjae is a whole new side to him that Jaebum is a thousand percent sure he loves just as much as the rest of him. Even if it does involve him getting blue balls.

It’s fine, he’ll pay Youngjae back for it sooner or later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd (still, probably forever) and would have dragged on a lot longer had it not been for lily like god bless. anyway i couldn't imagine 2jae's sexcapades would remain a secret very long among the members cuz i mean cmon youngjae is loud af and they ain't exactly subtle, so. jinson now know yay! the plot thickens? 
> 
> idk the plot did something but anyway HOPE Y'ALL ENJOYED THIS MESSTERPIECE if you want to leave guesses for who might find out next or what you think will happen LEAVE A COMMENT and thank you for reading!! <3


	4. getting deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaebum is pining and full of Teenage Angst. youngjae doesn’t deserve having to deal with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't talk to me about the fact that this doubled the word count

_It’s fine, he’ll pay Youngjae back for it sooner or later._

The payback comes later rather than sooner, as they’re continuously exhausted due to their looming album release. Last minute tweaks to songs, learning choreography until they’re all basically passed out on the floor in pools of their own sweat, interviews and Vlives teasing for their upcoming album - it’s all a blur of exhaustion, and Jaebum and Youngjae hardly have time for themselves, much less each other.

They haven’t been cuddling either, besides the odd morning where they wake up in a tangle of limbs from rolling around in the night. It’s not like they’re avoiding it, but most of the time they’re asleep before their heads hit the pillow, so it’s more of a non-issue.

Until it is an issue, because Jaebum is going through Youngjae withdrawal (despite being near him every day all day, it’s not the same) and needs his fix.

This is exactly what Jaebum blames for his neediness and lack of filter when Youngjae comes in one night after washing up and, without even sparing Jaebum a glance, flops face-down on the mattress with a groan. Jaebum understands, it had been a rough dance practice and he feels sore all over, but he craves Youngjae’s warmth. Jaebum wants to touch him, have him close in a way that can’t be seen by cameras or strict staff.

Youngjae doesn’t move again from where he’s crashed, and Jaebum assumes he’s passed out like that. Jaebum’s tired as well, exhausted really, but he needs this like he needs oxygen, needs to feel Youngjae, if only for a few hours.

Jaebum is in his usual state of undress, despite the chill in the air, but at least he kept his boxers on this time, so hopefully Youngjae won’t mind. He inches over to where Youngjae is lying, hoping Youngjae is dead to the world and thus pliant so Jaebum can maneuver him into a comfortable position for them both. Instead when he puts a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder and pushes, he meets resistance.

Youngjae groans again and turns his head so one eye peeks out at Jaebum. There are dark circles under his eyes and Jaebum wants to smooth them over with his thumb and kiss them until Youngjae giggles and pushes him away.

“Hyung?” Youngjae’s questioning, ragged voice breaks Jaebum from his train of thought. Youngjae blinks up at him, frowning in the low light. “What is it?”

His voice is scratchy, like he was just on the edge of sleep when Jaebum disturbed him. It causes a stab of guilt that Jaebum is sure shows in the small smile he gives Youngjae. Youngjae just blinks slowly at him again, like he’s fighting sleep still, and it’s adorable and just makes Jaebum even more determined to get his cuddles. It’ll get him through the next few days at least before he has to bother Youngjae again. Maybe. Debatable.

“I want to cuddle,” Jaebum’s own husky voice surprises him, but it can easily be attributed to how exhausted he feels and how he spent a lot of the day yelling directions at his group. Youngjae’s eye widens marginally, and Jaebum doesn’t feel like explaining himself, so he just tugs insistently at Youngjae’s shoulder to make him roll over. Youngjae doesn’t budge.

“Hyung,” Youngjae whines, and his barely visible lower lip is jutting out in a pout. “I’m too _tired_ -“

“No,” Jaebum cuts him off too sharply, but he feels like he’s going to resort to whining if Youngjae isn’t in his arms soon. “I just want to cuddle. Roll over.”

The demand in his voice is enough to get Youngjae to comply with another soft whine of protest. Jaebum smiles in victory at the expanse of Youngjae’s back. He wastes no time in pulling Youngjae back against his chest and pulling the pillow back more so it fits the both of them. Then he reaches behind himself to grab his own blanket and yank it over the two of them before fully embracing Youngjae.

Jaebum sticks his face into Youngjae’s neck and hugs Youngjae around the middle, stuffing his hands partway up Youngjae’s shirt to rest against his stomach and soak up his heat. He sighs contentedly at the feeling of Youngjae pressed up against him, warm and soft and comfortable. Youngjae smells like the body wash he favors and the facial cleanser they use to remove make-up. He smells familiar and comfortable; he smells like _Youngjae._

“Hyung,” Youngjae squeaks out. He’d started shivering when Jaebum had stuffed his nose into his neck, and now he brings up a hand to hold one of Jaebum’s wrists where it lay exposed outside the safety of Youngjae’s shirt.

Jaebum hums against Youngjae’s neck, content and comfortable, and only now ready to sleep. Having Youngjae in his arms is like coming home after a long day, and it has him relaxing in a way he hasn’t in days. He can already feel the incessant pull of sleep weighing down his eyelids, and knows he won’t be up much longer.

Youngjae squeezes the wrist in his grip and his hand seems to tremble when it loosens. Jaebum is too tired to fathom why, until Youngjae speaks again.

“I told you not tonight, hyung,” his voice is soft and shaky, and Jaebum holds him tighter, buries his face even further.

“This isn’t like that,” Jaebum is close to sleep and slurring his words against Youngjae’s neck, his brain isn’t working at full capacity to tell Jaebum what he should and shouldn’t say to keep up the barrier he’s so carefully constructed between him and Youngjae. The rational part of his brain is already long asleep, and Jaebum can’t keep the mushy words contained, not paying them much mind at the moment. “Just wanted to touch you. Hold you. You’re so warm, Youngjae-yah…”

This stops Youngjae’s shaking at least, his grip getting firmer on Jaebum’s wrist. After a few moments, with Jaebum on the cusp of sleep, he feels Youngjae completely relax against him with a quiet, weak chuckle.

“Why?” Youngjae’s voice is barely enough to carry to Jaebum’s ears, but they’re so close and Jaebum’s always listening for him whether he tries to or not.

“Sleep better like this,” Jaebum responds, lips dragging on Youngjae’s neck, and Youngjae tenses again. “Missed you.”

Youngjae laughs, quiet and warm and Jaebum feels so full, but also so, so tired.

“We see each other every day, hyung,” Youngjae’s voice is a soft hum, lulling Jaebum to sleep at the same time it drags him from it. He’d be more irritated if he didn’t feel so nice right now.

“’S different,” Jaebum mumbles, then kisses the skin beneath his lips gently. “Let’s sleep, Youngjae-yah.”

He hears Youngjae’s loud swallow and feels him go rigid in his hold again, but can’t process what it means right now, already half-asleep anyway.

It’s a few moments before Youngjae speaks again, and by then Jaebum is more than half asleep and barely coherent.

“Your hands are cold, hyung,” Youngjae whispers, and if they weren’t so close Jaebum wouldn’t have heard him. As it is, he’s trained to react to Youngjae’s voice at this point, so he grunts and flexes his fingers on Youngjae’s stomach.

“Warm them up, then,” Jaebum slurs, and it’s an easy solution, but Youngjae tenses all over again like it was the answer he wasn’t expecting. Jaebum doesn’t concern himself too much, because sleep is taking him fast. The last thing he remembers before the comforting nothingness of sleep is Youngjae’s slender fingers tangling in his own.

-

The next morning, Mark finds Jaebum in the kitchen screaming into a cupboard. It’s a testament to how much shit Mark deals with on the daily from his group that he merely pauses for a second to blink slowly, then brushes past Jaebum to get to the coffee maker. Jaebum pants loudly into the confined space, and Mark turns on the coffee maker and grabs a mug from the cabinet next to Jaebum’s.

“What did the cereal ever do to you?” Mark asks, leaning back against the counter and eying Jaebum with an amused grin when Jaebum pulls back just to give him the stink eye. “Did Bambam eat all of your Lucky Charms again?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jaebum bites out, grabbing Mark’s favorite cereal just to be spiteful and heading over to the refrigerator for milk. Mark just rolls his eyes when he spots the box.

“You don’t even like Cocoa Puffs,” Mark sighs, resigned, as he watches Jaebum grab a bowl and pour himself a huge helping.

Jaebum resolutely ignores him, pouring the milk a bit sloppily in his rage and getting it all over the dining room table. Mark huffs, but says nothing, and they settle into relative silence after Jaebum practically rips the chair out from under the table and falls into it with the force of a child throwing a tantrum. He eats his cereal in much the same manner, even though it’s kind of hard to chew when one’s jaw is locked in anger.

He’s not even angry at anything or anyone but himself, and he would be lying if he said the anger wasn’t a cover-up for an even more potent emotion – _panic._ He’s completely panicking. Jaebum had been doing so well, concealing his feelings for Youngjae _from_ Youngjae.

…Okay, maybe not, but last night was definitely the worst slip-up in their short, tenuous agreement of ‘no feelings.’

Jaebum thought he could do it, but being close to Youngjae has just made him crave _more, more, more_ and it’s like an ever-growing insatiable hunger that’s out to fuck Jaebum over by making his feelings even stronger. It doesn’t help that Jaebum’s always been prone to honesty when drunk and when tired out of his mind. It’s a problem, and now Youngjae will probably want to cancel their arrangement.

Even worse, he’ll probably want to have nothing to do with Jaebum and Jaebum's feelings and that is _terrifying to Jaebum_ and he might be losing it. He’s not sure if he could handle that rejection, to be honest, it’s like he’s formed a dependency on Youngjae’s physical affection in just a few short weeks, even if it was a long time coming. So maybe Jinyoung was onto something when he called this whole thing a stupid idea.

The only logical option Jaebum can come up with is to avoid Youngjae and pretend like he doesn’t care about him for a while, just for long enough that this whole thing blows over and Jaebum can act like it never happened. Hopefully Youngjae will go along with it and not confront him. It’ll be easier to convince Youngjae that he was just sleep talking if he isn’t giving Youngjae heart eyes every five minutes and casually touching him every ten and oh God it’s going to be so _hard._ For the sake of keeping Youngjae by his side though, he’ll do what he has to, even if that means willfully ignoring Youngjae’s existence for a few days and acting like he didn’t straight up tell Youngjae he wants him in a non-sexual way.

‘ _Missed you_ ,’ Jaebum thinks bitterly, grasp on the spoon tightening. He is sorely tempted to dunk his head in the cereal bowl.

“Uh,” Mark’s voice interrupts his thoughts, where he’d been staring into his bowl of soggy cereal for the past five minutes. Jaebum didn’t even notice when Mark sat down, but there Mark is with an empty mug in front of him and a concerned look on his face. Jaebum feels sick. “Should I get Jinyoung?” his eyes dart to Jaebum’s hand where it’s shaking, white-knuckled, around a spoon. Jaebum looks at it, too, then drops the spoon with a clatter and a splash into his mostly full bowl of cereal.

“No,” Jaebum spits out, but his voice is tremulous and it makes Mark’s eyes go wide. “I’m _fine,_ ” he insists, like he hadn’t told Youngjae ‘ _just wanted to touch you_ ’ in a completely _non-platonic, non-sexual manner._ He’s not freaking out.

“Hyung?” Jaebum jumps so high in his chair his knees hit the table. He hisses as both his eyes and Mark’s dart to the doorway, where Youngjae is standing in his too-large sleeping shirt, rubbing at an eye with one hand and covering a yawn with the other. He’s squinting and has pretty bad bed-head, looking like he just woke up, and yet he’s still so beautiful and cute and Jaebum wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around him from behind and shadow him through the kitchen while Youngjae gets his food. He wants to waddle behind Youngjae like a penguin and cling to him like a koala and kiss his neck and make him laugh and be all grossly domestic and make Mark leave in disgust at the display.

Instead, though, Jaebum chokes on air and stands up so quick his chair nearly topples over onto the floor. It just screeches across the linoleum instead; Youngjae winces at the noise and Jaebum wants to apologize _,_ but what if Youngjae woke up so early because he wants to confront Jaebum and call everything off? Jaebum’s stomach churns at the thought, and he feels Mark’s judging gaze on the side of his face but doesn’t care because he needs to get out of here and start putting his plan into effect. That involves not apologizing to Youngjae for trivial things or hugging him for no reason in the middle of the kitchen.

Youngjae’s hands have fallen to his sides and he’s blinking wide-eyed at Jaebum, and Jaebum’s sure he looks half-crazy with his hair going every which way from his hands running through it all morning. His eyes are probably even wider than Youngjae’s, and his hands twitch with the instinct to run.

“Gonna wash up,” Jaebum grunts, barely intelligible, then shoves past Youngjae into the hallway and curses himself because he couldn’t even do it _roughly._ He just put a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder and gently moved him aside and dammit he’s supposed to be showing he doesn’t care that much. He knows Youngjae is staring at him, but Jaebum firmly avoids looking back. “Clean up when you’re done eating.”

Even his attempt at being a commanding, pissy leader falls short when it comes out soft and gentle instead, and Jaebum wants to punch himself in the face. Why is his body betraying him so? Why is Youngjae impossible to bully? Why is Jaebum so disgustingly gone on him?

Before Youngjae can formulate a response, Jaebum stomps away with all the dignity of someone half-sprinting to the bathroom to escape confrontation. He’s pretty sure the next few days are going to be a trial, considering _that_ disaster, but he counts it a win that he doesn’t glance back at Youngjae’s sleep-addled adorableness one last time. It’s progress in his self-restraint at least, but he still has a long way to go if he wants to trick Youngjae into thinking he doesn’t see him as anything other than a precious dongsaeng that he also sometimes wants to have ‘stress-relieving’ sex with.

Jaebum’s tackled harder jobs, though. He _is_ the leader of Got7 after all.

-

It goes as well as could be expected. For three days, his bullheaded avoidance of Youngjae at any given opportunity is upsetting Youngjae, causing everyone in the group to hate him again, and making Jaebum an irritable asshole who feels constantly guilty about the confused, hurt looks he’s getting from Youngjae.

It’s worse at night, way worse, because the first night Jaebum stayed in the room, Youngjae had… well.

“I can be your teddy bear if you want, hyung,” Youngjae said meekly, his back to Jaebum, and it took every last shred of Jaebum’s willpower to turn him down. He’d managed to ignore Youngjae all day, or answer his questions with clipped responses and dismissive gestures. Jaebum couldn’t let all his hard work be for naught just because Youngjae was _asking to cuddle_ like he was trying to assuage Jaebum’s nonexistent anger towards him. This made Jaebum feel like even more of a piece of shit, and like someone had a hand around his heart and was just squeezing harder and harder.

“Not tonight, Youngjae-yah,” he’d mumbled into the sheets like a coward, gripping the blankets so hard he thought they might tear.

Youngjae hadn’t responded, and Jaebum hadn’t slept. They both woke up with dark circles and Jaebum knew he couldn’t do that for another night, so he’d started sleeping in the living room on the couch. The members that pass him while he’s there give him looks ranging from confused to pissed off to exasperated.

It’s easier this way though, less painful than staring at the outline of Youngjae’s back in the darkness and wishing for all the things that could be. It’s easier than having to keep himself in check every waking moment just because his desire for Youngjae burns hot in his gut at all times, but especially when they’re close and alone together.

Jaebum is still telling himself it’s easier this way when they make their way to dance practice a few days later. He tries to ignore the slump in Youngjae’s shoulders, tries to keep from running over when Youngjae bumps into Bambam and loses his footing, tries not to flinch when he notices the dark circles under Youngjae’s eyes and the distinct lack of a smile when Jackson helps him up from the floor, tries to be indifferent when Youngjae’s eyes dart to his for a millisecond before he’s looking away with a firm “I’m fine” directed at Jackson.

What Jaebum does successfully ignore, however, is the increasingly venomous looks his members are sending him, namely Jinyoung and Mark. He tells himself that they don’t know anything anyway. This is better for both him and Youngjae in the grand scheme of things. There will be no misunderstandings, Youngjae will be kept in the dark about Jaebum’s feelings and eventually forget this little bout of Jaebum being a total douche. They’ll maintain their relationship as it currently stands, and Youngjae won’t have to deal with Jaebum’s feelings. Only Jaebum will hurt, and that’s how it should be.

He keeps telling himself that he’s doing the right thing as he calls out for them to run the dance through again. Jaebum goes through the motions mechanically, and thinks that no matter how much it hurts, this is what needs to be done to sustain his and Youngjae’s friendship.

Jackson makes a mistake and Jaebum yells in frustration. A few of the members startle, Jinyoung just narrows his eyes. Jaebum sees Youngjae sway on his feet, and wants to reach out, but instead clenches his fists at his sides and locks his jaw. He watches helplessly as Jinyoung takes his place, throwing an arm around Youngjae to steady him.

“Take five,” Jaebum bites out, and stalks out of the room to splash water on his face in the restroom.

He stays in there for longer than five minutes, staring at his gaunt face and red eyes and tense jaw. Jaebum can safely say that he looks fucking terrible, but feels even worse after seeing how poorly Youngjae is fairing. It’s been a torturous few days on them both, apparently, and Jaebum is tired of hurting Youngjae even if it’s to spare him in the long run. He wonders how long is long enough to convince Youngjae that Jaebum’s sleep talk was a fluke, that Jaebum didn’t develop feelings (technically true, since he’s always had them) like he said he wouldn’t. A few more days, Jaebum tells himself, he can do a few more days before he has a complete breakdown from the tension. A few more days and Youngjae will be sure that there’s no feelings.

With this thought in mind, he returns to the practice room and has his resolve instantly shattered by the sight of Jinyoung sat on the couch with Youngjae’s head in his lap, and Jinyoung using one hand to stroke through Youngjae’s hair. Youngjae is completely passed out, but he still looks troubled even in sleep, and his dark circles stand out against his unusually pale complexion. Jaebum looks away from him to find Jinyoung glaring. There’s no trace of mirth or mercy in it, just straight up loathing, and it throws Jaebum off so badly that he calls an end to practice early. The managers are easily convinced, seeing Youngjae sway on his feet when Jinyoung gently rouses him.

They agree to leave in thirty minutes, and as soon as that’s announced Jinyoung is dragging Jaebum away to a soundproof, empty recording room. He shoves Jaebum back, shuts the door, and Jaebum opens his mouth to defend himself when Jinyoung steps forward and sucker punches him straight in the gut.

Jaebum doubles over with a wheeze, pain blossoming in his stomach and _damn_ for a scrawny ball of sass Jinyoung can pack one Hell of a punch.

“If we weren’t having a comeback soon, that would have been your face,” quips Jinyoung, and when Jaebum glances up at him, his gaze is full of the same malice from earlier. Jaebum would flinch if he wasn’t already doubled over in pain. “What is going on _this_ time? Whatever it is, it’s ridiculous and idiotic, like most things you do. You’re hurting him, you’re hurting yourself, you’re hurting the group – I thought you were supposed to be a great leader?”

Jaebum feels his words choking him, and hangs his head just so he doesn’t have to see the look of disappointment on Jinyoung’s face any longer. He wants to explain himself, but Jinyoung wouldn’t understand.

Jinyoung huffs irately at his silence. “I swear to God, if this is some sort of power play to see if Youngjae likes you-“

“What?” Jaebum’s head snaps up again, and the angle hurts his neck but he keeps his gaze steady on Jinyoung’s now exhausted glare. “Of course not! He doesn’t like me, I’m doing this _for Youngjae._ ”

“ _What?_ ” Jinyoung hisses, and Jaebum finally straightens, though he keeps his arm wrapped around his dully throbbing stomach. Jinyoung looks ready to punch him again, but Jaebum is too prideful to put more distance between them, instead narrowing his eyes in challenge. “What does that even _mean_ do you know how insane you sound? Take one good look at Youngjae and tell me what fucking good it’s doing him for you to be treating him like you are-“

“He knows I like him!” Jaebum shouts, and Jinyoung’s entire body sags in shock, eyes going wide, and Jaebum is suddenly very ready to throw himself against the wall in an effort to knock himself out. Jinyoung looks at Jaebum like he’s seeing something phenomenal, once-in-a-lifetime, and it makes Jaebum feel sick.

“You what?” Jinyoung whispers, face still slack in shock, “did you just actually admit, out loud, that you have feelings for Youngjae?”

Jaebum blanches at the grin slowly but surely forming on Jinyoung’s face, making his eyes whisker, and the tension in the room bleeds into something more familiar but no less dreadful for Jaebum. He is looking at Jaebum like he’s a fascinating specimen and Jinyoung is the biologist observing him. It’s unnerving, as is the shit-eating grin on Jinyoung’s face, but Jaebum figures there’s no taking it back now. Besides, Jinyoung knowing isn’t as bad as Youngjae himself knowing, and Jaebum needs to vent anyway.

“I may have said some things to him while half-asleep that heavily implied that I like him,” Jaebum blurts out, expression pained, but it’s like the floodgates have opened and he can’t stop himself now. “And I didn’t want to ruin our relationship so I put some distance between us to convince him that that’s not actually how I feel-“ Jaebum rants and tries to ignore the increasingly wide smile on Jinyoung’s face.

“If I weren’t so happy right now I’d punch you again for being an idiot,” Jinyoung announces gleefully, clapping his hands like an overexcited upper class mom. “You! Im Jaebum! Admitted to having feelings for Youngjae! Finally! I’m so proud even though I’m also still mad at you for being an asshole!”

Jaebum actually does flinch when Jinyoung reaches forward to grab his biceps and squeeze, and Jinyoung’s smile morphs into a smirk. Then something clicks with Jinyoung’s words and Jaebum frowns.

“Wait, did you know I like Youngjae? How?”

Jinyoung gives him a flat look, dropping his hands back down to his sides. “I have eyes, don’t I?” he deadpans, and Jaebum would be insulted if he wasn’t too busy _freaking out_ because how obvious is he? “You’re so obvious I’m shocked Youngjae _doesn’t_ know.” Then he grimaces, and eyes Jaebum distastefully, ignoring Jaebum’s increasingly wide eyes and slack jaw. “Though after _this_ display, I can kind of sympathize more, Mr. Mixed Signals.”

“He can’t know!” Jaebum chokes out, once he remembers how to form words again. Jinyoung gives him an unimpressed look, crossing his arms, and Jaebum flaps his hands around desperately like it’ll convey his point. “It’ll ruin the group dynamic! He’ll probably be disgusted with me, and want nothing to do with me, so I’m doing this so that he doesn’t have to deal with that!”

Jinyoung’s look turned calculating sometime during Jaebum’s tirade, and he seems to turn Jaebum’s words over in his head for a few moments. Eventually, he seems to make up his mind.

“You’re so, _so_ dumb,” Jinyoung tells him sincerely, and Jaebum feels the familiar tensing of his jaw. Jinyoung shakes his head with a sigh. “Just stop worrying about that and start worrying about how Youngjae hasn’t been getting any sleep and how he didn’t even smile _once_ at practice today.”

Jaebum’s gut gives an unpleasant, guilty tug and it must show on his face because Jinyoung gives him a tiny encouraging smile.

“You’re lucky it’s Youngjae,” Jinyoung says with another sigh. “No one else would forgive you for being such an asshole for no apparent reason, save for maybe Jackson. Youngjae deserves at least some groveling though, hyung, honestly you better get on your knees.” He stops mid-laugh to scrunch up his nose, like he’s just thought of something unpleasant. “Not in _that_ way though. Maybe afterwards. I don’t want to know.” He waves a flippant hand and the images come to Jaebum unbidden, he swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. “Just fix your plethora of mistakes, hyung, for Youngjae’s sake.”

He gives Jaebum doe eyes that makes Jaebum feel even more like a piece of shit than he already did during this whole process. If there is one thing Jinyoung is good at, it is definitely making Jaebum feel like both an idiot and an asshole.

Despite the gnawing guilt though, Jaebum still stands by what he did. He’ll just cut his plan short a few days, what could it hurt, he’s pretty sure the plan has been effective enough already.

Plus, he misses Youngjae more than _anything_ and would like to hold him for the next week straight, if possible, to make up for all the shitty things he’s put Youngjae through. He can’t do that, obviously, and won’t, but Hell if he won’t grovel to Youngjae and apologize and cuddle the Hell out of him tonight.

“Right,” Jaebum says, when Jinyoung is still blinking at him like he’s expecting some form of intelligent response, which really is asking a lot of Jaebum when it comes to feelings and Youngjae. “Apologizing. For Youngjae’s sake.”

“Yes,” Jinyoung speaks slowly, like he’s speaking to a child, and nods encouragingly. “Sooner rather than later, hyung, though I’m not opposed to gut punching you again.”

Jaebum winces and holds his still-throbbing stomach instinctively. Jinyoung smiles innocently and Jaebum grimaces.

“I’ll choose sooner.”

“Pity,” Jinyoung says with a hum, and before Jaebum can process and grab him in a headlock, Jinyoung is stepping back and letting himself out of the room, wide smile on his face and eye whiskers appearing in full force. “Good luck, hyung! Remember to grovel!”

The door shuts behind him, and Jaebum is planning what he’s going to say to Youngjae before it’s even fully closed.

-

Jaebum spends the rest of the day thinking about it, in fact. Running through scenarios, psyching himself up, and ultimately ending up on the couch again that night instead of going in to confront Youngjae like he’d planned. When Jinyoung passes him on his way to the kitchen and gives him a judgmental look, Jaebum ignores it and stares tensely at the blank television screen.

He had his apology speech all ready and polished to perfection, and was definitely not above groveling on his knees when it came to Youngjae. The problem he’s having now is the struggle to go through with the decision he’d made to stop this whole roommates-with-benefits thing.

It would break Jaebum, since after having a taste he’s addicted and it’s going to be hard to resist that temptation now that he knows what it’s like, but it’s a necessary evil. At the rate they are going he knows Youngjae will find out about his feelings soon, and it’s selfish of Jaebum to call it off just because he can’t get a handle on his emotions, but this is the better alternative than making Youngjae unhappy again by ignoring him. He’d rather suffer alone than make Youngjae suffer with him, so it’s better this way.

He’s still trying to convince himself of this when Jinyoung smacks him in the back of the head while passing him with a glass of water. Jaebum startles and looks up, having completely missed Jinyoung’s reentry into the room and Jinyoung rolls his eyes.

“Stop thinking and just go talk to him, I’m sure he’s waiting for you whether he wants to or not.” Jinyoung’s face gets a pinched look, and he scrutinizes Jaebum imperiously before shaking his head with a scoff. “I can’t believe I’m living through this drama,” he mumbles, turning to walk away. “I’m supposed to be the actor of this group, but I’m not even a lead.”

Jaebum glares after him – half-confused and half-angry, because he’s dreading going to talk to Youngjae and he masks it with anger at everything. He has no idea what Jinyoung is talking about, but he chalks it up to Jinyoung being weird and Jaebum has more important things on his mind anyway. Namely, Youngjae, and how Jinyoung’s words of ‘he’s probably waiting for you,’ are coupled in his mind with the guilt-ridden images of Youngjae’s dark circles and pallid face and the exhausted slump of his shoulders. If Jaebum can fix that, then why isn’t he? What kind of hyung is he to do this to a precious dongsaeng, even if it _was_ for their own good.

Decision made, Jaebum stands up and marches off towards his doom. Youngjae deserves an apology, he deserves sleep, and Jaebum is ready to prostrate himself at Youngjae’s feet to accomplish both of these things.

His palms are sweaty where they’re clenched at his sides, and he’s running over his speech again for the thousandth time standing in front of the bedroom door. It takes him a solid minute before he finally throws it open with far too much force, startling Youngjae where he’s sitting up in the bed scrolling through his phone in his hoodie from the day and sweatpants.

Youngjae blinks up at him with wide, tired eyes, grip going slack on his phone. He looks exhausted, and Jaebum’s stomach lurches with a need to hold, to pet, to soothe until Youngjae is asleep in his arms. He swallows around the sudden anxious lump in his throat.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Jaebum’s demand is sharper than he intends, and both he and Youngjae flinch at his tone. Jaebum’s irritation bleeds out of him and he sags despondently at the sight of Youngjae avoiding his eyes like he’s _scared._ It makes something inside Jaebum clench uncomfortably, causes a sting behind his eyes that he tries not to acknowledge and a cloying nausea that burns in the back of his throat. Softer, much softer, he asks, “why haven’t you been sleeping, Youngjae-yah?”

Youngjae stares at the wall beside him like it holds all the answers, eyes wide and lower lip trembling lightly and Jaebum’s heart _shatters._ Youngjae’s hand clenches and unclenches around his phone like he’s not even aware he’s doing it, and it feels like an agonizing hour before Youngjae opens his mouth to respond.

Nothing comes out though, and he shuts it again and stares at the wall even harder, fists gripping blanket and phone in white-knuckled grasps. He drops his phone, however, when he startles at Jaebum suddenly falling to his knees in front of the door.

It hurts, because Jaebum had done it quickly and impulsively, and he’s going to have bruises, but it doesn’t matter. Youngjae is finally looking at him and Youngjae looks like he is about to cry and the only thing that matters to Jaebum is getting that look off of his face.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum blurts, and Youngjae wraps his arms around himself, pulling his sleeves over his hands like a defense mechanism and Jaebum’s face crumbles even more. The stinging behind his eyes worsens, but he holds Youngjae’s gaze. “I’m so sorry, Youngjae-yah. I’ve been an asshole the past few days and I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve it. I’m coming back to the room now, if you’ll have me, and I’ll do whatever it takes for you to forgive me – I’ll stop trying to cuddle you at night, I’ll stop sleeping naked, I’ll stop setting my alarms to songs you hate, I’ll… I’ll stop…” here Jaebum finally pauses. Youngjae is staring at him with his mouth agape, arms fallen limply to his sides. He still looks like he’s about to cry, so Jaebum looks off to the side to avoid the sight, to avoid the sting, and tries to keep his voice steady when he says, “I think… should we stop, Youngjae-yah?”

It wasn’t meant to be a question, he’d meant to be firm about it, but his reluctance took hold at the last moment and morphed his words against his will. He doesn’t dare look at Youngjae for a reaction, but it doesn’t take long for him to hear one.

“Wh-what?” Youngjae’s voice is uncharacteristically small and shaky with emotion. Jaebum finally looks at him again, despite his better judgment, and is shocked to find Youngjae looking right back at him with a look of desperation that Jaebum has never seen before. “Stop what?”

Jaebum hesitates because there are alarm bells going off telling him that maybe Youngjae wants to continue as much as he does, despite everything. It’s a bad idea, because they’re both going to end up hurt because of Jaebum, but Jaebum’s self-control is nearly non-existent when it comes to Youngjae, especially right now.

“Stop our,” Jaebum pauses, making wide gestures at nothing and Youngjae only seems to shrink into himself more. Jaebum swallows thickly. “Stop the sex.”

Youngjae’s face falls, and he bows his head so Jaebum can’t see his expression any longer. He takes his time answering, hands wringing wrinkles into the bottom of his hoodie.

Youngjae’s voice is small when he asks, without looking up, “Why? Is… is this why you were avoiding me, hyung? You don’t… want to do that with me anymore?”

“No!” Jaebum denies passionately, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Jaebum decides he’s tired of being so far from Youngjae while Youngjae is clearly troubled, so he scoots forward on his knees until he’s at least on the mattress. Youngjae continues avoiding his gaze. He looks guilty, and hurt, and upset, worrying his bottom lip and still pulling at his hoodie with his head down so Jaebum can only see half his face. Jaebum doesn’t know how to make it all better, doesn’t remember the speech he prepared, doesn’t remember his resolve to end this. All he sees is a hurt Youngjae, and that’s all he needs to make decisions wholly devoted to making that sad look disappear from Youngjae’s face. “No, Youngjae-yah, that’s not it at all. I’m so sorry, I was just being stupid, of _course_ I still want to do it.”

Youngjae’s bottom lip is trembling again, when his teeth finally stop abusing it, and Jaebum can’t help scooting closer, only stopping when Youngjae visibly tenses. Jaebum’s fucking this up so bad, he could literally not be fucking this up worse. There’s a helplessness in his chest that he can’t shake, that makes his eyes burn and tightens the grip on his knees. Youngjae bites down on his lip to keep it from shaking.

“Then… why do you want to stop, hyung? Why… why were you avoiding me?” Youngjae asks, soft and vulnerable, and Jaebum feels like this answer is the most important one of the night – could either make or break their current tumultuous relationship. So he takes a deep breath, and tells the truth.

“I don’t want to end up hurting you,” Jaebum says, and it’s a half-truth because he means more emotionally than physically, but it’s the truth nonetheless.

Youngjae takes a shuddering breath at this, and Jaebum watches him close his eyes with a steadily sinking feeling that he once again, said the wrong thing. They sit like that for a while, Jaebum’s nails digging rivets into his knees as he watches the frown on Youngjae’s face get deeper and deeper the more time that passes. After what feels like an eternity, Youngjae opens his eyes again and raises his head to meet Jaebum’s gaze head-on.

There’s something in Youngjae’s expression that scares Jaebum, because under the hard determination, there’s something inexplicably devastated _._ Jaebum doesn’t have too long to dwell on it before Youngjae is opening his mouth.

“I’m fine,” Youngjae says with a steady conviction, despite the look Jaebum knows he’s not mistaking. “I won’t… You won’t hurt me, hyung. I’ll be okay. I want – I want to continue. I’m sorry if that’s selfish…”

The desperate look is back within the last sentence, along with undertones of the same sadness Jaebum detected earlier. Jaebum’s distracted by his words though, his stomach doing a hot flip that has his brain reeling to catch up with the implication. Not even an implication – a statement. Youngjae wants to continue, he’s _interested._

Jaebum nods dumbly at Youngjae, a bit in awe at his forwardness. “It’s not selfish,” if anything, Jaebum is the selfish one, but if Jaebum can make Youngjae his even for a brief period of time, he will settle for the inevitable heartbreak later. “If that’s what you want, Youngjae-yah, then I won’t hold back, either.”

A flush rises in Youngjae’s cheeks at his words, but he looks away again. Jaebum jumps when a tear rolls down his cheek, then another, then Youngjae is bringing up a sleeve-covered hand to dab at them with a sniffle.

“Youngjae-yah, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” Jaebum rushes out, moving forward until their knees are touching and his hands are hovering everywhere around Youngjae’s face like he wants to touch, but can’t because he’s sure Youngjae doesn’t want him to. “I’m sorry, whatever it is, please don’t cry. What’s wrong? What did I say?”

Youngjae gives him a weak, broken laugh that has Jaebum’s heart clenching painfully and then Youngjae is using the hand that isn’t wiping away his tears to grab one of Jaebum’s. He holds it tightly against his own chest, and Jaebum can feel the erratic rhythm of Youngjae’s heart and swallows thickly, wondering what Youngjae is trying to tell him.

“I think I know how you felt now,” Youngjae says, voice watery, but a sad smile on his face when Jaebum thinks to look. His eyes are wet and still spilling tears in a steady stream when Jaebum meets his eyes. “When I ignored you, hyung. I’ll never do it again, this was the worst feeling in the world,” his face crumbles again, and his hand falls from Jaebum’s. Jaebum stops thinking, stops resisting and tugs Youngjae into a hug. Youngjae shoves his face into Jaebum’s shoulder and whimpers softly through his crying, and Jaebum pets the back of his head while he does it. “I- I forgive you, hyung, I just…”

Youngjae is so warm, so soft, and Jaebum is finally holding him again, but he’s crying, and Jaebum did that, and he can’t stand it. There’s a heavy weight in his gut that he’s not sure he’ll ever get rid of because he made Youngjae cry, made Youngjae hurt so much that he couldn’t sleep for days. Even if it was for the greater good, Jaebum feels like the shittiest human being alive.

“I’m s-so sorry… I thought you hated me,” Youngjae sobs, bringing up his hands to cling at the back of Jaebum’s own hoodie. “I thought, because you’d found out-“ he cuts off with a sob that racks his whole body. “I’m so _sorry_ , hyung-“

“Shh, Youngjae-yah, stop apologizing none of this was your fault. And I could never hate you,” Jaebum whispers into his hair, continuing to pet his head and back in an effort to soothe him. The guilty knot in his throat is nearly choking him at this point, and he holds back the confession on the tip of his tongue with great effort. “I’m so sorry, I’ll never ever do it again. I’ll make it up to you.”

It takes a few more minutes of comforting for Youngjae to pull away with a sniffle, arms still resting on Jaebum’s shoulders and face puffy and red. Jaebum brings his hands up to wipe at the wetness under his eyes and Youngjae gives him a tiny, scared smile.

“Are you sure you’re okay with it, hyung?” Youngjae asks, eyes falling to Jaebum’s chest like he’s afraid of the answer. Meanwhile, Jaebum isn’t really sure what he’s talking about, but he assumes it’s resuming their roommates-with-benefits deal.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” Jaebum responds, returning his arms to rest around Youngjae’s waist. Youngjae bites his lips and looks to the side.

“It’s not weird for you?” Jaebum rolls his eyes, because if Youngjae thinks this is weird for him after Jaebum happily sucked him off, Jaebum is kind of worried for Youngjae’s intelligence. “Even after we agreed…” Jaebum’s eyebrows shoot up in silent question when Youngjae finally glances up at his face. Youngjae searches his expression with a small frown and his mouth slightly open, and Jaebum is slightly distracted by how adorable it is so he doesn’t wonder too hard about what Youngjae is talking about. “So you’re _really_ fine with it?”

“Yes, yes, I’m completely fine with it, it’s not weird to me at all,” Jaebum squeezes Youngjae’s hips under his hands and Youngjae flushes and looks away shyly, which makes Jaebum want to kiss him despite his still-puffy face and red-rimmed eyes. “Satisfied? Now do you _really_ accept my apology or am I going to have to grovel for a few more days?”

Youngjae chuckles quietly, but it’s enough for relief to sweep through Jaebum like a tornado, and he’s absolutely sure that his smile is mushy as fuck right now, but he also doesn’t care.

“No groveling, hyung, that would be embarrassing. But! You better make it up to me,” Youngjae says jokingly, pulling an arm back to shove at Jaebum’s shoulder. It makes warmth spread through Jaebum’s body, alleviating slightly the solid weight in his gut. Youngjae’s smile turns sly, even if it’s still watery and a little unsure. “Not tonight, though. I need to sleep.”

Jaebum rolls his eyes, but feels lighter than he has in days and can’t stop smiling. At least Youngjae seems to share his sentiment as he laughs at the look on Jaebum’s face. God, did Jaebum miss that laugh. It rings in his ears and warms his body like tea on a cold day, making him relaxed and sleepy and _content._

“That’s fine,” Jaebum says simply, rolling over to his side of the bed and stripping off his hoodie. He doesn’t take off his T-shirt just in case. “Tomorrow then.”

Youngjae lets out another surprised bout of loud laughter, and Jaebum could listen to it forever.

“Sure, hyung,” Youngjae says around a yawn as they get settled in for bed. Then, after a comfortable silence, Youngjae’s tiny voice pipes up, “hyung, it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with it, but… can you hold me?”

Jaebum has never moved faster in his life, and Youngjae huffs softly in surprise when Jaebum is wrapping around him in record time. The embarrassment is worth it, though, because Youngjae is softly breathing within a minute and Jaebum is so full and happy and warm that he could actually cry. Instead, he buries his head in the crook of Youngjae’s neck again, breathes in the familiar scent, and falls asleep quicker than he has in days.

-

The next day Jaebum lets Youngjae oversleep for as long as he is able, and things return to mostly normal. In the practice room Jaebum keeps doing weird things to make Youngjae smile or laugh and tells lame jokes for the same reason. He ignores all of the confused looks the members are exchanging (save Jinyoung’s disgusted, yet fond exasperation) in favor of shamelessly embarrassing himself for Youngjae’s amusement. He owes him that much after all, and everything is worth it as long as Youngjae is laughing and smiling like that.

That night they collapse on the mattress together after washing up and having a late night snack that goes against their diets, and Jaebum grabs Youngjae’s waist to drag him into spooning position like it’s natural. They don’t even exchange words, just similar sighs of content when they’ve finally settled down, and they’re both asleep within five minutes.

Jaebum thinks it’s going to be another peaceful night until he’s awoken a few hours later by Youngjae pulling in loud, shaky breaths and squirming against him. He’s letting out tiny whimpers and panting breathily, and Jaebum is about two seconds away from shaking him awake, thinking he’s having a nightmare, when Youngjae’s hips cant back into Jaebum’s, his butt rubbing against Jaebum’s crotch with every squirm of Youngjae’s body. Jaebum freezes, the heat and the friction and Youngjae’s noises causing his dick to twitch with interest, but just in case Youngjae is having a nightmare Jaebum pulls his hips back until they’re separated again, only to have Youngjae’s hips following him back like a magnet.

Youngjae releases a breathy sigh of pleasure once Jaebum is pressed up against him again, accompanied with a soft exhale of “hyung…” that has Jaebum’s blood boiling hot and rushing down to his crotch so fast his head spins with the arousal.

“Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum buries his head in Youngjae’s neck again, performing little kitten licks while Youngjae shudders in his arms. Youngjae is holding Jaebum’s hands underneath his own shirt again, which makes it tough for Jaebum to slide his hands up and tease at Youngjae’s nipples. Eventually, Youngjae’s hands fall limply away, and Jaebum starts lightly rubbing and pinching the nubs until they’re hard and Youngjae is gasping even louder, grinding even harder back against Jaebum’s growing erection. “Tell hyung what you need,” Jaebum whispers into his ear, eyes falling nearly shut.

Youngjae just lets out a broken moan, shivering all over again and gripping the sheets. Jaebum keeps himself from teasing Youngjae anymore, but Youngjae must be extremely worked up because the panting and moaning continues unhindered. It’s just when Jaebum’s about to lose his patience that Youngjae speaks up again.

“Hyung, pl-please…. Y-yes right there, _please_ ,” Youngjae inhales shakily, body shaking with it, and Jaebum’s eyes shoot open with the realization that _Youngjae is asleep._ Youngjae is asleep and having a wet dream, possibly (probably) about Jaebum, and Jaebum feels heat spread through his chest like lava, licking his insides and burning everything in its path. It doesn’t take him long to decide what he wants to do (courtesy of an idea planted by one Park Jinyoung), but it’s hard to extract himself from Youngjae without jostling him too much.

Jaebum is a man on a mission though, so even when Youngjae whines high in his throat at the loss of contact when Jaebum completely pulls away, Jaebum stays focused on his end-game. Youngjae is pliant under his guidance, gently pulling Youngjae until he’s on his back, and Jaebum sucks in a shuddering breath at Youngjae’s appearance.

His eyes are shut, and his hands still grip the sheets beneath him. His thighs are squirming, seeking any sort of relief for the very visible tent in his sweatpants, and his face is flushed and his lips are bitten and red.

Jaebum nearly growls at the image he’s presented with, because damn did he miss this, and damn would he love to wake up to this for the rest of his life.

He knows what he wants to do though, and he _had_ told Youngjae ‘tomorrow’ yesterday when Youngjae hinted at sex, and Youngjae had not been averse to the idea of waking up to a blow job, so Jaebum doesn’t feel too bad stripping a very compliant Youngjae of his sweatpants and boxers. Jaebum watches Youngjae’s erection spring free, precum leaking from the tip already and sliding down the shaft.

He can’t help but lick his own lips, wanting to taste it again. With a quick glance up at Youngjae to confirm he’s still asleep, Jaebum knocks Youngjae’s legs apart so he can kneel between them. Then he lowers himself down to grip Youngjae’s thighs roughly in both hands, earning him a loud whimper. Jaebum would love to suck hickeys onto Youngjae’s thighs, but his prize stands before his nose now, flushed and twitching with Youngjae’s movements.

Jaebum looks up to Youngjae’s face in the darkness, but enough moonlight is streaming in to allow him to make out Youngjae’s open, panting mouth as Jaebum blows softly on the shaft. Youngjae’s hips twitch towards the warmth of his lips, and Jaebum takes the invitation easily. He licks tenderly at the head, watches Youngjae’s face screw up in ecstasy even in sleep and moan even louder. Jaebum would be concerned about the others hearing if he cared more. As it is he just chases the earlier trail of precum with his tongue and wraps his mouth around the head when he gets back up to it. Youngjae lets out a keening noise, bucking his hips into Jaebum’s mouth. Electricity spikes down Jaebum’s spine at the move, and with very little dignity or poise Jaebum swallows down the rest of Youngjae’s shaft in one go.

Youngjae fairly _shouts_ when he comes into contact with the back of Jaebum’s throat, and Jaebum swallows around the intrusion, causing Youngjae to let out a strangled sob. Jaebum makes sure to relax so that he doesn’t choke when Youngjae’s hips start doing exactly what Jaebum had banked on them doing, and Youngjae starts fucking Jaebum’s mouth in his sleep.

He knows his voice is going to be fucked tomorrow, but also he doesn’t care when the sounds Youngjae is making are making Jaebum warm all over and his dick harden fully in his pants. He can taste Youngjae’s salty precum as it slicks up his mouth and slivers down his throat, can taste the sweat and smell Youngjae’s arousal each time he thrusts up and Jaebum’s nose ends up buried in his scant pubic hair.

Jaebum breathes loudly through his nose and does his best to lick wherever he can while Youngjae fucks up into him, balls occasionally slapping Jaebum’s chin and it’s so lewd, so dirty, and Jaebum groans low whenever it happens and grips Youngjae’s thighs a little tighter. Eventually, Youngjae’s voice and hips stutter, and Jaebum opens his eyes to look up at Youngjae again when Youngjae goes completely silent save for loud shaking breaths. Youngjae looks down at him with wide eyes, pushed up onto his elbows and appearing to be in disbelief at what he’s seeing.

Jaebum just raises an eyebrow, which might look hilarious when he has Youngjae’s dick in his mouth, but Youngjae doesn’t really have time to laugh when Jaebum swirls his tongue around the base and Youngjae groans, thighs shivering under Jaebum’s hands.

“Hyung,” Youngjae’s voice is loud in the quiet of the dorm, though it’s raspy with use and he flushes. His eyelids droop low when Jaebum licks a trail up from base to tip, and Youngjae bites down on his lip to keep from moaning. “ _Jaebum,_ what are you doing?”

Jaebum swirls his tongue around the head once before pulling off with a wet pop, and Youngjae finally breaks eye contact to throw his head back into the pillow with a high-pitched whine.

“Waking you up with a blowjob,” Jaebum says hoarsely and yep his voice is fucked. He glances down at Youngjae’s split-slick, red dick and thinks, _worth it._ “Now can I finish?”

Jaebum looks up at Youngjae as he lifts his head again with what appears to be a lot of effort, he looks dazed and flushed and Jaebum wants to kiss him, have him taste himself, instead he waits for Youngjae’s green light with bated breath. Youngjae blinks down at him slowly, mouth slack.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?” Youngjae asks, his smile a bit strained, until Jaebum catches on to the joke and bursts out into surprised laughter, and Youngjae’s smile turns genuine. “I didn’t think you were serious about doing this… but please… don’t stop, hyung.”

The smile on Jaebum’s face turns into a smirk that has Youngjae’s eyes going dark with need again. Jaebum wonders how he looks to Youngjae, because he knows his lips are swollen and spit-slick and his face must be flushed. He’s almost scared to ask though, and besides, he got Youngjae’s permission, and he plans on finishing what he started.

So Jaebum drops his eyes back down to Youngjae’s painfully erect member. Jaebum licks his swollen lips and Youngjae’s stuttered inhale is all the encouragement Jaebum needs to swallow down the length of his dick once more. The now-familiar weight of Youngjae’s head knocking against the back of his throat makes Jaebum dizzy with arousal, and he looks up to find Youngjae staring down at him again with wide eyes. Jaebum raises his eyebrows, then abruptly realizes that Youngjae probably wasn’t even aware he’d been fucking Jaebum’s mouth.

Jaebum frowns, idly tonguing the underside of Youngjae’s dick while he tries to come up with a way to nonverbally communicate ‘fuck my mouth’ in the least subtle way possible. Youngjae, meanwhile, is moaning at his ministrations, but Jaebum knows this would be so much better for Youngjae if he just-

Oh. Right.

Jaebum finally moves his hands from Youngjae’s thighs (and tries valiantly not to shiver when he sees his own hands have left an imprint on either thigh) and moves them to Youngjae’s hips. With a firm grip, he lifts them so that Youngjae’s dick goes even further, sliding along the slickness of his mouth and further down his throat. Youngjae’s hips twitch in his grasp and his legs tighten around Jaebum’s own, where he’s still kneeling between them.

Youngjae stares down at him in shock, and Jaebum narrows his slightly watering eyes, as if in challenge, as he lowers Youngjae’s hips just to lift them up and groan when he watches Youngjae’s eyes roll back before they shut completely.

“A-are you-“ Youngjae pants out, seemingly lost for words as he scrabbles for purchase on the sheets while Jaebum lifts his hips once more. He can _feel_ the dribble of precum that accompanies Youngjae’s keening moan and it makes him close his eyes in appreciation of all the sounds, smells, and tastes that are all just so _Youngjae_ and it feels like Jaebum is drowning in it. “Are you s-sure, hyung? Is it – is it okay?”

Jaebum doesn’t even look up, just thrusts Youngjae’s hips up purposefully one last time before dropping them completely and putting his hands back on Youngjae’s thighs and massaging. Then he waits, breathing in the smell of Youngjae’s arousal until Youngjae finally, tentatively, thrusts his hips up. Jaebum gets to work with his tongue again, and his jaw is aching at this point, but it’s worth it to hear the noises Youngjae makes whenever his dick slides slickly through Jaebum’s warm, willing mouth.

After the first few stilted thrusts where Jaebum doesn’t choke, Youngjae lets go and starts thrusting with abandon, eventually sitting up so he can cradle Jaebum’s head in his hands gently like he’s not roughly fucking into his mouth and making Jaebum moan at the treatment and at the sounds Youngjae’s making just above him.

“Jae – Jaebum-ah – please, _please, please_ I’m so close _please_ -“ Youngjae is an almost-incoherent babbling mess, and Jaebum’s own dick is trapped between his legs and his stomach and there isn’t enough friction or room to get himself off, so he focuses completely on Youngjae. It only takes Jaebum swallowing around him and another swipe of his tongue up a throbbing vein before Youngjae is coming with a cry, hands gripping Jaebum’s hair tight as his whole body shivers around Jaebum. Jaebum takes it all, swallowing as much as he can and keeping the rest in his mouth to taste before pulling off and swallowing that down as well. Youngjae goes nearly limp above him, and Jaebum takes the opportunity to lick his oversensitive member clean, and Youngjae whimpers and shifts his hands to Jaebum’s shoulders to halfheartedly try and shove him away.

“Too much, hyung, _too much_ ,” Youngjae whines, and Jaebum pulls off with a gravelly laugh that hurts his abused throat as he gets up to grab some tissues and clean his mouth (some spit and cum were _bound_ to drizzle out, after all) and Youngjae’s dick off properly.

As soon as he’s standing, Youngjae’s hand darts up to grab Jaebum’s own hand. Jaebum blinks down at Youngjae’s bowed head in confusion, unable to see his expression until Youngjae lifts his head with a raw expression of want, eyes settling on Jaebum’s tented boxers.

“Wait,” he whispers, “hyung too.”

Jaebum swallows down a groan, the words sending heat shooting to his already leaking cock. He allows Youngjae to guide his hips until Jaebum’s back is against the bedroom wall next to the mattress and Youngjae tugs his boxers down with no preamble. Jaebum hisses at the cool air suddenly hitting his straining erection, and Youngjae stares at it with hooded eyes and licks his lips.

The hunger and heat in Jaebum’s belly, coursing through his veins and setting him aflame with desire as he gazes down at Youngjae, has him placing a thumb on Youngjae’s pink and plump bottom lip, running over the cracked slick skin while Youngjae’s eyes flicker up to his face. There’s a moment, a tense moment where they just stare at each other in heated silence – Jaebum’s thumb resting on Youngjae’s bottom lip and Youngjae’s hands coming up to grip Jaebum’s thighs while he kneels in front of him. Jaebum wants nothing more than to dart down and taste those lips before they taste him, and he would have, had Youngjae not dropped his gaze back down to Jaebum’s thick, stiff cock.

Youngjae scoots forward until his knees are resting between Jaebum’s spread legs, and Jaebum’s dick is bobbing in front of his face. Youngjae stares at it almost adoringly, reaching up with one hand to caress the base of it while he licks curiously all around Jaebum’s cock, from the pulsing veins to the head to the slit itself and Youngjae looks up to gauge every shudder, every sharp inhale at his own ministrations. He’s unbearably curious and cautious in his movements, and the only thing that keeps Jaebum from saying anything is the fact that he’s almost positive this is Youngjae’s first time doing this.

So he watches Youngjae learn his dick, lick it like a lollipop and hold it with a firm hand on the base. He watches Youngjae’s eyes slip nearly closed when precum leaks from the tip, then Jaebum nearly chokes on an exhale when Youngjae licks it all away, tasting him and licking his lips afterwards like he’d _enjoyed it._

“Are you teasing me?” Jaebum grits out in the same fucked-out voice from earlier after a handful of minutes pass with little more than licking and suckling, and Youngjae looks up at him through his bangs with a small smirk. Jaebum growls, reaching down to grip his hair, but stops short when Youngjae’s eyes flutter closed as he guides the head of Jaebum’s cock finally _– finally –_ past the pucker of his perfectly plump lips.

He mouths at the head softly, keeping Jaebum from bucking forward with an arm across his hips. It’s pulling noises from Jaebum that Jaebum wasn’t even aware he could _make,_ soft keening whimpers and gasps that urge Youngjae faster, until the sensitivity Jaebum’s feeling to his head is almost painful and he reaches down to grip Youngjae’s hair in warning.

Youngjae gives him a questioning look, before he’s frowning as he sinks slowly, so _slowly,_ down on Jaebum’s cock and Jaebum’s skull hits the wall with a loud _thwack_ when he throws it back with a low groan.

“Youngjae-yah, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum gasps urgently, tugging at Youngjae’s hair as Youngjae sinks further and further down. He refuses to stop, despite Jaebum worrying about him hurting himself, until Jaebum is hitting the soft back of Youngjae’s throat with a hiss and one hand scrabbling for purchase on the empty wall. “What are you doing?” Jaebum asks breathlessly and then chokes when Youngjae swirls his own tongue experimentally around the base, just as Jaebum had.

Jaebum looks down to find Youngjae giving him a challenging stare, then very deliberately, without breaking eye contact, he removes his arm from Jaebum’s hips to grip at his thighs with both hands. He’s breathing through his nose, Jaebum can feel it against his pubic hair, and Youngjae’s mouth is as hot and perfect and wet around him as Jaebum had imagined it would be. It’s so hard to resist that blatant invitation, but Jaebum really doesn’t want to hurt him.

“Are you sure, Youngjae-yah?” Jaebum whispers, voice cracking as he reaches down with the hand not tangled in Youngjae’s soft hair to caress a fluffy cheek. Youngjae presses against the hand like a puppy, then nods eagerly around Jaebum’s cock and wiggles his still-naked butt impatiently on the floor. Jaebum kind of wants to scream. “I’ll stop whenever you want me to,” Jaebum chokes out instead, and then haltingly thrusts his hips.

Youngjae looks surprised at first, at what Jaebum’s not too sure. But his eyes widen when his nose brushes against Jaebum’s pubes, and when Jaebum’s balls brush against his chin with the small thrust. He looks overwhelmed, and even though fucking Youngjae’s mouth is definitely on Jaebum’s bucket list now, he is more than ready to call this off even if it might actually kill him.

He doesn’t have to worry for too long though, because in the next second Youngjae is licking up the tender underside of his cock and giving him the filthiest look Jaebum’s ever seen on Youngjae, and Jaebum loses what little control he’d been holding on to.

Jaebum thrusts again, and again, and again until he’s building up a steady rhythm and Youngjae is moaning around him whenever Jaebum makes a sound of approval or just moans at the drag of his cock through Youngjae’s mouth and throat. It’s so slick, so warm, and better than Jaebum could have ever thought. Youngjae takes everything he gives with enthusiasm, and he’s always been a fast learner. He swirls his tongue around Jaebum’s cock like an expert and even though his eyes are tearing up and a mixture of spit and cum is dribbling down his chin he doesn’t ever tell Jaebum to stop, doesn’t ever stop moaning around Jaebum’s length, and Jaebum realizes why a few minutes later when he looks down past Youngjae devouring his cock to see Youngjae half-hard in his lap.

Something in Jaebum snaps and he bends double, gripping Youngjae’s neck with both hands and continuing his ruthless thrusting even at Youngjae’s surprised squeak.

“You’re doing so well for me, Youngjae-yah, always so good for hyung,” Jaebum punctuates his words with squeezes to sensitive areas of Youngjae’s neck, and Youngjae moans brokenly around his length. Jaebum shudders violently at the vibrations of it. “Do you like it when I fuck your mouth? Does it feel good, Youngjae-yah? You’re already hard again, even though I just got you off…”

Youngjae moans and squirms again, hands gripping Jaebum’s thighs even tighter and Jaebum can feel himself nearing his end, the familiar coil in his belly burning hotter and tensing, so he squeezes Youngjae’s neck.

“I’m going to cum, Youngjae-yah, do you want to taste me?” Jaebum breathes out, and Youngjae’s answer comes in the form of a loud moan and swallow, and a lick up the shaft which has Jaebum crumbling with a broken moan of Youngjae’s name.

The feeling of coming down Youngjae’s throat is one he never wants to forget, as Youngjae struggles to swallow around him and milks him through it by pulling all the way back and suckling at the head again, bringing a hand up to pump the spit-slick shaft. Jaebum nearly sobs Youngjae’s name, bending even further to hug Youngjae’s head even closer while Youngjae continues to suck him dry.

When Jaebum finally collapses back against the wall, sliding down to be level with Youngjae, his eyes widen at the sight that greets him. Youngjae’s face is flushed and his cheeks are full of Jaebum’s cum and he’s holding it in like a chipmunk storing nuts. It’s adorably hot, watching Youngjae swallow it all down while maintaining eye contact with Jaebum. Some of the cum seeps out the side of his mouth along with spit and Jaebum leans forward to wipe it away with a thumb.

Youngjae grabs his hand with both of his. Staring at him, needy, Youngjae takes the thumb into his mouth and sucks on it. Jaebum swallows harshly and his soft dick protests weakly at his arousal.

As Youngjae seems like he wants though, Jaebum takes control. He leans forward to loom over Youngjae, and Youngjae falls easily onto his back with Jaebum hovering over him and pulling his hand from Youngjae’s mouth to put it between Youngjae’s legs and squeeze and stroke at his shaft, bringing it to full hardness within a few strokes. Youngjae pants loudly beneath him.

Jaebum uses his other hand to feel along Youngjae’s sensitive neck, and Youngjae writhes as Jaebum strokes him quickly and efficiently before leaning down to whisper in his ear.

“You were dreaming about me earlier, weren’t you?” Jaebum demands, voice husky and Youngjae whines high and loud, nodding sharply next to Jaebum’s head. Jaebum smirks in satisfaction, thumbing the slit of Youngjae’s cock and Youngjae keens and grabs Jaebum’s shoulders. “What were you dreaming about? Were you dreaming about me fucking into your mouth? Were you dreaming of fucking mine?”

“You – Jaebum-ah –“ Youngjae cuts off with a loud whine, and Jaebum inhales sharply when Youngjae’s legs lift to wind around Jaebum’s waist. “You were – inside,” Jaebum can feel Youngjae’s face burning next to his own, and his stomach lurches at Youngjae’s words and desperate whines. He feels hot and heady all over again, and damn if his dick isn’t showing interest despite being too sensitive right now.

“I was inside you? Was I fucking you, Youngjae-yah? Is that what you want?” Jaebum’s voice is deep and unrestrained, spilling the dirty words without a filter because he’s so full of _want_ , Youngjae stripping him of his defenses with just a few words.

“ _Yes!_ ” Youngjae yells brokenly, back arching off the bed in a high-pitched scream that hits Jaebum like a punch to the gut (he doesn’t double over this time, though), because Youngjae wants Jaebum to fuck him _Youngjae wants Jaebum to fuck him,_ and Jaebum’s body is screaming for Youngjae, screaming for his taste, his smell, the feel of his lips and skin. Jaebum is overwhelmed with desire and love and he suddenly very much needs to see Youngjae coming undone. He leans back to study Youngjae’s face, eyes screwed shut and twisted with pleasure, his bangs cling to his forehead with sweat and his face is flushed and mouth swollen and abused.

Jaebum flicks his wrist again and sends Youngjae into another writhing arch as he continues to massage the skin of his neck.

“Tell me exactly what you want, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum demands, and Youngjae’s jaw goes slack on a shaky moan.

“I want – I want you inside me, Jaebum-ah,” Youngjae stutters out through his panting, and Jaebum wants to kiss him quiet as much as he wants to fuck him open. “I want – I want your fingers, and your tongue, and,” Youngjae swallows and closes his mouth on a groan when Jaebum slides his thumb through the precum collecting at the head. He’s watching Youngjae like he’s cataloguing everything, the heat pooling in his stomach is a dangerous borderline between lust and love and Jaebum isn’t sure what the difference is anymore. “And your c-cock. I want – Jaebum-ah, please _, please_!”

Youngjae is half-sobbing now, shaking under Jaebum’s every stroke. He’s so painfully close, and Jaebum shushes him by kissing his neck and running his hand through Youngjae’s sweaty hair. Jaebum trails more kisses up to Youngjae’s flushed ear, then bites down on the lobe.

“I will give you everything you want,” Jaebum tells him honestly, his chest burns hot with his words and Youngjae’s increasingly frantic pleas and babbling. “So you don’t have to imagine it anymore. Just say the word and I’m yours.”

Youngjae goes quiet when he cums in Jaebum’s waiting hand. Jaebum pulls back to watch Youngjae’s face caught on a silent scream, his head gets tossed back and his back arches impossibly high, arms and legs squeezing Jaebum almost painfully until finally he starts twitching and moaning brokenly with the aftershocks. Jaebum milks him through it until Youngjae is vibrating at the overstimulation and cracking open his eyes to glare up at Jaebum when Jaebum continues to lazily stroke him with a satisfied smile.

Youngjae’s hips jerk when Jaebum runs his thumb under the head and Youngjae lets his arms and legs drop from koala hugging Jaebum so he can smack him in the shoulder and push him away with a foot to the pelvis.  

“I think I need another shower,” Youngjae says, voice cracking as he looks down at himself glumly and sighs at the flecks of cum on the hoodie he’s wearing. He strips himself of it and throws it in the hamper while Jaebum laughs and stands up to wipe off his hand and dick with a tissue.

“We could take one together,” Jaebum suggests, and Youngjae stares suspiciously at him from where he’s flopped back down on the bed. Jaebum smiles innocently. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to need help getting to the bathroom after _two_ intense orgasms. Can you even stand?”

Youngjae opens his mouth, closes it, looks down at his legs and glares with a pout. “Traitors,” he tells them, and Jaebum laughs again, tossing the tissue in the trash and diving back onto the bed to cuddle with Youngjae despite the fact that they’re both sweaty and still half-naked.

“Cutie,” Jaebum breathes into his hair while Youngjae squawks in protest. He doesn’t try to shove Jaebum off though, just allows himself to be manhandled into spooning position. “We’re lucky we don’t have vocal practice tomorrow, I’m pretty sure both our voices are shot.”

Youngjae hums in agreement, hands finding Jaebum’s where they’re resting under his shirt again. They lay in silence for a while, adjusting and readjusting until a blanket is over the two of them and they’re both comfortable enough to fall asleep.

“Hyung,” Youngjae says softly into the quiet, and Jaebum hums into Youngjae’s neck to indicate he’s still awake and listening. “Did you – did you mean it… when you said this helps you sleep better?”

Jaebum tenses, because he feels like there’s another meaning behind the question that he’s sure Youngjae is smart enough to try and mask with a less dangerous question. The words not being said, the ‘did you mean everything you said that night,’ lingers in the air like an unpleasant smell and Jaebum wants to lie.

He wants to lie, but he can’t hurt Youngjae anymore, and the light, hot feeling in his chest hasn’t faded since he woke up to Youngjae’s moans.

“Yes, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebum mutters into his neck, and then, because he already did it that night and he wants to confirm that he knows exactly what Youngjae is asking, Jaebum kisses Youngjae’s neck softly. “I meant it.”

Much to Jaebum’s surprise, Youngjae relaxes in his arms and hugs Jaebum’s arms even tighter to himself. Youngjae sighs.

“Yes,” Youngjae says, and his voice is still scratchy with abuse, but raw with something else that Jaebum can’t quite decipher. “Me too.”

Jaebum is lost. He’s still lost five minutes later when Youngjae is snoring softly in his arms. What did he mean? Did Jaebum read too far into it? Had Youngjae only meant what he’d asked, and nothing else? That had to be it, otherwise that answer doesn’t make sense.

The air feels tense around Jaebum with all of the words they aren’t saying, but he decides to just turn his brain off for once and enjoy the moment. He has Youngjae – even if it’s only for now, even if it’s only for so long. Jaebum has Youngjae, and that’s enough for him. That’s enough for now.

Jaebum smiles into Youngjae’s neck, and falls asleep thinking of having all of Youngjae. He dreams of dates by the river, holding hands, and kisses shared in the light of day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wrote down an actual plot plan and this monster happened HAHA sorry? angst was not a part of my plan and yet here it is. fingers crossed that the next chapter isn't as long as this monstrosity bc my heart can't take it 
> 
> I STRUGGLED WITH THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH OKAY angst is not my jam and i'm so nervous about this and i keep annoying my friends about it but WHATEVER HERE IT IS TAKE IT WHILE I CRY


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